


Rocket Science

by dragontattoo75



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Friendship, M/M, Male Slash, Minor Character Death, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-01
Updated: 2012-06-26
Packaged: 2017-11-06 13:05:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 33,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/419243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragontattoo75/pseuds/dragontattoo75
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Waking up after a night out, Jasper finds his work and personal life collide in a way that will change his life forever. 'When it's my turn to go, will I have a family sitting around me, holding my hand?' Originally posted on FFn Jan - June -12.</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="http://s1354.beta.photobucket.com/user/Dragontattoo75/library/"></a><br/><img/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Malice Slashlover for pre-reading and Sue for betaing. Any remaining mistakes are my own.  
> Thank you JA Mash for making my banner.  
> I don't own Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Warning: There will be death of a minor character in the end of chapter 2.

My work as a registered nurse is killing me with it's long hours and the switching between day and night shifts. I have no idea what day it is when I slowly become conscious, stretching my stiff and tired limbs. First thing I notice is that my bladder is so full it's hurting, which usually means I've had a night shift and slept all day. I sit up quickly to go to the bathroom, but the movement makes my head spin, and I take it more slowly.

Staggering my way to the toilet, I sit down on the seat and put my face in my hands while I pee. My head feels like it's full of cotton, making it hard to think clearly. A sudden wave of nausea hits me and I just have time to finish peeing before I empty my stomach in the toilet. What's wrong with me? I hope I don’t have a stomach bug from work or something.

I'm in the middle of brushing my teeth when I look up into the mirror. I really look unwell with sickly gray skin and eyes full of red blood vessels. I quickly let my hand fall as the light hurts my eyes when I pull my eyelids up. I must be really sick this afternoon. I wonder how long I've slept. My watch isn't at it's regular place by the sink, so I can't check the time right away. 

Turning the water on for my shower, I find the last fresh towel in the cabinet under the sink. I need to do some laundry later, if I can bear it. My stomach is still queasy, but maybe it will be better after a light meal. 

I feel a bit better as I finish my shower and my head feels a bit clearer. Friday. Yes, I think today is Friday. I have to check my calendar to see if I have the weekend off. If it turns out I have to work and I don't feel better after eating something, I might consider calling in a sick day tomorrow. I can't risk infecting the already sick patients with a stomach bug if I haven't done it already. 

I make some toast and instant coffee, that I take small sips of, while I glance at my calendar. Luckily, I cross out each day as they pass, so I can tell easily I've come to the right conclusion – it's indeed Friday. I'm able to finish my breakfast, dinner or whatever without more nausea, and that's lucky because I now see I have a full work weekend. That's strange. I usually don't have four nights in a row. Looking backwards under the crossing, I see I didn't have a night shift last night – I went to a party. 

I find my watch on the counter by the door when I go to get the newspaper. It's only ten o'clock in the morning and I'm really confused. I need to get my brain to work and find out what happened last night. 

I take a large glass of water with me to my couch. I need to rehydrate and rest this morning. That's what the nurse in me is telling me. I don't have to call Alice or anyone to know that. 

– O – 

When I wake up next, it's three p.m. My newspaper is covering my face but I feel much better. My stomach actually rumbles and I feel hungry, but I lie still for a while thinking of last night. 

Once in a while there is a party for health workers, policemen and firefighters at a club downtown. I usually don't attend it, as I don't like to hear about my drunken colleagues’ personal problems and then have to interact with them feeling embarrassed the next day.

Last night, Alice made me go though. She's met this cute new doctor at her work in the ER and she heard him confirm to another nurse that he was going to the party. I promised to go with her as long as I didn't have to drink. 

So much for not drinking. I guess I don't have a stomach bug after all; I just have a good old-fashioned hangover. 

I'm making myself some dinner, when Alice calls, her voice high in excitement. 

“Jasper, guess what time I got home last night!” Even though I put the phone further away from my ear, I hear her laughing. 

“Uhm, I have no idea? When I got home? Did we share a cab?”

“No, silly, I'm on my way home now!”

“What? Did you go home with Dr. Hotshot?”

“No, of course not! Don't you remember? He hit on you last night. Turned out he's gay, like most of the hot men I meet turn out to be. No, don't you remember his best friend, Seth?”

I have no idea who Seth is, but I'm happy she’s finally met someone. Maybe this will get her to calm down a bit. We're both approaching forty and I feel too old to try as hard as she does. Of course, I want a new boyfriend, preferably someone who will last this time, but I want it to come naturally. Alice uses all her tricks to find the perfect man; I'm more a believer in fate.

“Seth? No, I don't recall meeting any Seth. Actually I was hoping you could tell me what happened last night,” I almost whisper the last part to her. I don't like admitting I lost control of my drinking. Did I make a fool of myself in front of someone I work with? Myself doing what I've been afraid of seeing others do. Talking to Alice, everything up until my third shot becomes clear to me.

“Well, as I said Seth is Jacob’s best friend. Completely straight and gorgeous. I'm just now going home from the best night in my life. Let me tell you what he can do with his tongue. Gah!”

“No, please, Alice. I don't want to hear about a tongue on those parts of you. As far as I'm concerned he just kissed your lips.”

“Oh, he kissed my lips alright!” 

“Alice!” I groan, “Your mouth!” I can't help but smile though. It’s a long time since she had sex that made her so happy.

“Alright, alright! I'll stop. I guess it's not that strange you don't remember much from last night. Did you have time to eat at all at work yesterday? After a few shots, I lost track of you for a while. You were dancing with a guy, but later when I saw you having body shots with him at the bar I tried to make you stop drinking and I had to get help from Seth to get you into the taxi home.”

“What? I don't remember dancing with some guy or having body shots! Why didn't you stop me sooner?” I feel post-drunk anxiety creep up on me. I really hope no one from work saw me – having body shots!

“Are you all right today? I would have called you earlier, but you know, I was busy getting my lips kissed.” 

“Yeah, I'm fine now. I'm working three night shifts this weekend and I'm making a big dinner so I have leftovers for when I wake up. Are you going to see Seth again?”

“Yes, we're going out to dinner tomorrow night.”

“I'm happy for you, Alice. I would love to hear more about him, but my dinner is done now. Call me Sunday afternoon, or on Monday if you can't make it to a phone earlier, will you?”

– O – 

How smoothly a night shift turns out often depends on who I work with. This weekend I'm in luck, as it's Maria and Maggie. They've worked as nurses for a long time and we work well together. Almost every bed is occupied, but there's a calm atmosphere all over.

After finishing the reports on each of our patients, we give each other a quick overview of which patients we expect will need much of our attention. Maggie has a drug addict with HIV, but he's very cooperative, so we don't expect any problems with him. Maria has an old man with dementia who's known to hit, and we all have our share of newly operated patients. Everything looks normal and after our first night round we get a chance to sit and talk for a little bit. 

I don't tell them I went out last night, and if they had known, they would have said something. Tonight I'm in charge and have the responsibility to find a place for new patients. When the buzzer goes off and I call down to the ER to get the report on what we're expecting, I place the old man they announce in one of my available beds. 

It's three a.m. when I meet my new patient and his daughter. I just had time for a cup of coffee, and my head feels clear. 

I already know that Carlisle Cullen is seventy-eight years old and has had trouble with his arteries in his right leg for a while. He is an old sailor and has smoked since he was thirteen. He also has asthma and high blood pressure. I expect a man with faded anchor tattoos on his arms and a person who hasn't taken good care of himself, but I'm met with a clear glance and a well-kept face when I take his hand in greeting where he lies on the stretcher.

I see immediately from his face that he is in pain and quickly decide that giving him some painkillers is my number one priority. I feel his forehead for temperature and moisture, but his skin feels dry and normal. He has a clear voice and manages to smile and introduce me to his daughter, Bella. 

She looks a bit stressed, but that is understandable given her father’s condition. Her eyes quickly glance down at my arms where my tattoos are showing, but her smile seems genuine and reaches her eyes. Sometimes I regret having tattooed my entire arms. Some of the patients and, more often, their next of kin judge me as someone reckless and not able to do my work, as I should. At least I don't dye my hair any more like I used to do and none of my piercings are showing. 

“Okay, I guess you want to move to a more comfortable bed right away, Mr. Cullen, but I suggest you take some pain killers first. Is that all right with you?” I look right at him when I speak to him. Often enough I see nurses and nurses’ assistants speak to old patients like they would talk to a child and prefer to ask their next of kin if they are present. Mr. Cullen is obviously in his right mind, so I try to involve him to a certain degree in what's going to happen. 

When the painkillers have started doing their job, he’s in less pain, and all settled in bed, I show them how to get in contact with me by pressing the nurse's call button and let them be alone for a little while as I read what I have to know about him. 

A little while later, I knock on the door to his room and when I open it, Bella is sitting beside his bed as close as she can get and holding his hand. They smile at each other when they see me coming in, and I get a feeling they have been talking about me. I don't let that bother me at all and sit down in the last available chair to talk to them. 

“So, the doctors have decided to take a look inside your arteries tomorrow and see if there is something they're able to do. I guess that's something you welcome as you almost can't walk anymore and are in constant pain?” I look at him to see how much of the information he received from the doctor in the ER he understood and remembered. Most of the doctors make sure the patients have understood what they said, but they're often in a rush, so they talk fast. When you're sick and come into an unfamiliar environment, it can be hard to remember the important information you get.

Both of them nod, so I continue, “That means you can't eat or drink anything until the procedure is done. I'll give you fluids into this cannula.” I point to his hand where his PVC is. 

“Your blood work is fine, and that is a good thing before the procedure, except they tell me you don't eat as much as you used to?” He is very skinny, his cheekbones and ribs clearly visible. 

“No, I've lost a lot of my appetite the last few years, and I'm sad to say that I don't drink as much water as I should.” He looks ashamedly at his daughter before he continues, but she only squeezes his hand. “You see, I have problems with emptying my bladder completely, so I have to go to the bathroom a lot.”

“That is completely understandable,” I tell him. “Have you had your prostate examined?”

“Yes, but a few years ago the problem was very little in comparison.”

“And now you have a hard time walking to the bathroom too.” I feel so sorry for him, and think that maybe it would have been better for him to talk to me about this without his daughter present, but I can tell they are close, so I continue. 

“I'm going to take your blood pressure again and check if you have enough oxygen in your blood. I'm going to get you the fluids now and get you an urinary catheter. But first I have to take a look at your right foot,” I say to him and get up. 

Bella moves, so that I easily can lift his blanket and feel his legs and feet. I check them both to compare and right away see that his right foot has a much lighter color and is much colder from his toes up until his knee than his left. It's important that I do this now, so that I have something to compare with when I check him later. 

“I can see that you take care of your feet,” I tell him something positive. “Your nails are well kept and you don't have any cuts or wounds. When you have problems with your blood supply, it's very easy to get wounds that will have a hard time healing. You have done a good job!” I smile at them both as I let down the blanket. 

When I'm back with the things I need, I ask him about his wife. He tells me that she stayed with him for many hours down in the ER, but he insisted she go home with their son, Edward, to get some rest. I ask him if he has any grandchildren as I connect the fluid bag with his cannula. It doesn't work right away, but after trying a few tricks, I get it to flow. 

“Yes, Bella, my dear, has given us the sweetest boy ever. His name is Peter and he's nine years old. And Edward has little Lily, our eight year old princess. She has my hair color, or what I used to have before it turned gray.” I smile at him and tell them they're lucky. 

“Don't you have any children, Jasper?” Bella asks me quietly. I guess she can see the longing in my face. 

“No, I haven't had the pleasure,” I tell them. 

“It's not too late for that,” Mr. Cullen says politely and I just smile at them. No need to tell them more about me than they ask directly. I'm here to work after all, and I know they only ask to give something in return for my help, even though it's probably unconscious. 

A while later when everything is settled, and Bella is back after I asked her to go get herself a cup of coffee while I got her father the catheter, I can tell that Mr. Cullen is tired. 

“Bella, if you want to go home and get some rest, that's perfectly fine. I promise to check on your father often.” I pat her shoulder lightly. 

“Is it alright if I stay here? I can just sit in that chair.” She points to the most comfortable chair. 

“Yes, of course. I'll get you a pillow and a blanket.” 

I check in on Mr. Cullen quite often, and feel his feet every time. When he opens his eyes, I ask him if there is a change in his pain, but he shakes his head every time. After I have finished my reports and am ready to leave in the morning, I check in on him one last time, but he's asleep, so I just shut the door carefully after returning Bella's smile. 

– O – 

I sleep really well the whole day and wake up feeling rested and in a good mood in the afternoon. I eat some of yesterday's leftovers, go for a run and take a shower. There is no need to call Alice as she has probably already left for her date with Seth, so I just watch a movie to relax before work. 

When I arrive at work, I immediately feel that the atmosphere is more hectic than the previous night. Both Maria and Maggie have started reading their reports, so I get to it. There's much less to read tonight since most of the patients are the same as last night and I only have to catch up on what's happened to them today. When I come to Mr. Cullen's report, I see I have more to read than I expected. 

In the angiography he had a few hours ago, they found two things. His femoral artery is in desperate need of surgery as there's very little opening for blood to pass through. His smaller blood vessels have preliminarily saved his foot. Unfortunately, he has an even bigger problem in his abdominal aorta. He has a big aneurysm that needs immediately surgery if he is going to live. That means a big operation where they need to open up his whole stomach, take his intestines out, and replace a part of the aorta. 

The doctors had a meeting afterwards and discussed his possibilities of surviving the operation, the very long and hard recovery and all the risks he is facing. The chief of the surgeons had just finished talking to Mr. Cullen and his family. There is no hope. 

I immediately inform Maria and Maggie of the situation, and Maria says she will take over my responsibility of being in charge tonight. Irina is the nurse I'm taking over from and she says she can stay for a little while longer with the Cullen family, just so that I can go my first round with my other patients. When I'm ready, I knock on their door to take over from Irina. 

I'm very glad that I had been the one to greet them last night, this way I know Mr. Cullen and Bella, and they will see a familiar face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much Malice Slashlover for pre-reading and Sue for betaing. Any remaining mistakes are my own.   
> I don't own Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Warning: There will be death of a minor character at the end of this chapter.

I open up the door and quickly scan the room. It's very quiet in here. There is an unfamiliar male holding his arms around Bella, stroking her back and her face is buried in his chest. Another male is standing with his arms crossed in front of his chest, staring out of the window and beside Mr. Cullen's bed, an old lady sits with his hand stroking her arm.

They all turn to look at me with intense eyes when Irina clears her voice and announces that her shift is over and that I'm the nurse for the night. She says goodbye and slips out of the door, giving me a tight smile. 

I nod to Mr. Cullen, who nods back, and walk slowly over to the old lady extending my hand. She takes it in her soft, trembling one. Her eyes are a bit swollen, but quite clear when she introduces herself as Esme Cullen. 

I turn to the three others and Bella quietly introduces me to her husband, Riley, and her brother, Edward. They both shake my hand, but Edward returns to his position by the window immediately. There is something familiar about him, but I have no idea where from, but it certainly doesn't matter at the moment.

At last, I go to Mr. Cullen's side and take the hand that lies on top of his blanket with his PVC in it. There are no fluids going into it anymore, as he can drink and eat as he likes. It only stays for him to get morphine directly into his blood if he needs it. When his aneurism bursts, and it will eventually, there will be nothing I can do. He'll bleed to death and no CPR will be able to save him. Now that we know there is no way to save his life, my purpose here is to give him painkillers and support him and his family emotionally. 

I look straight into his eyes, asking him how he's feeling. 

“I feel like I did last night. My leg hurts a bit, but Irina has given me painkillers all afternoon, so it's bearable.” He points to his head. “I’d like to stay clear up here, you know.” His eyes glance over at his wife who follows everything we say. 

I bend down so that I'm at their head level and tell them with a steady voice, “I've just read about what the doctors found today and that they can't operate on you. I know Dr. Gerandy's been in here and talked to you. I'm so sorry.”

I squeeze his hand and see a tear run down to his pillow. Bella's quiet sobs fill the room as Edward storms out, slamming the door hard. 

“He's just in shock,” Esme tells me, as if excusing him. 

“I know,” I smile softly at her.

“This is another thing he can't fix, and he can get so angry when he's helpless,” she says. I wonder what other things he couldn't fix.

“I know all of you are in shock right now. I need you to tell me if there is anything I can help you with. Anything at all.” I look at all of them and they all nod. “It's getting late and you've had a long day all of you. Are any of you staying here tonight?”

“Yes, I think Edward is staying. Esme will be coming home with us,” Bella says. She walks over to her mother and pats her back. “We'll wait here until he's back though.”

“Alright. You are welcome to come and go as you please, of course. I have your phone numbers already. Do you have the direct number to my phone?” I pick up my phone from my pocket just to be completely sure I grabbed the right one from the nurses station. 

I let them be alone for a while, make another round of the ward, then talk to Maria and Maggie for a little while about our patients. I tell them about Mr. Cullen and Maria gets tears in her eyes when I tell them that technically he's here just to bleed to death. I've had patients like him before, but they're rare. Usually aneurisms are operated on before they get to this size, or if it's undetected and it tears, the person usually dies within a few minutes. If they're very lucky, it's a small crack and their blood just trickles out slowly enough so they get to a hospital and an operating room. Sometimes when I hear the ambulance helicopter coming in, I wonder if it's one of the lucky ones. 

I wonder what will happen to Mr. Cullen. His aneurism could burst any minute, but I don't know how long until it does. I guess we will just have to wait and see. He might be going home in the meantime with a prescription for painkillers, but that won't be decided tonight.

– O – 

“I'm sorry for storming out like that,” Edward says to me when I walk in to check on his father a while later. He looks to be around my age, and I can easily relate to his feelings at the moment. 

“I understand completely that you are angry. You don't have to apologize at all. I just wanted to check in on you and see if there is anything I can help you with?” They're both shaking their heads. 

“It's getting late. Edward, do you want me to see if I can find a bed to place in here for you, so you can sleep beside your father?” 

They both light up at my suggestion and Edward helps me roll his bed directly beside his father's when I return. I turn off the lights on my way out, only letting the smallest bedside lamp shine. 

Next time I check in on Mr. Cullen, he's sleeping with steady breaths, but there is no sign of Edward. He could just be in the bathroom, so I go to get myself a cup of coffee. There I find Edward sitting at the table with both hands around a cup. 

“Hello,” I say quietly so as not to startle him from his thoughts. I get a cup myself, find a well-used newspaper on the windowsill and sit at the same table as far away from him as possible. If he wants to talk, I'm there, but I’m not pushing myself on him. 

I turn page after page, sipping my coffee. I’d just checked all of my patients and I feel it's part of my job to sit here being available to him. 

I'm in the middle of reading an article on a sexy young Hollywood actor who’s in the news because he's just confirmed he's gay, when I hear Edward clear his voice. “I want him to go home tomorrow,” he says in a determined way, as if he's expecting me to protest. 

“I can understand that,” I say. I would have wanted the same thing, had it been my own father. 

He looks a bit surprised. “Oh, okay then.” I look expectantly at him, but he looks back to his cup. It must be cold now, and I get up and give him a warm one before I sit down again. 

“You know, he's always been there for me, supporting me whenever I needed him.” He takes a deep breath. “He's been there all my life. What am I going to do without him?” His voice cracks at the ending. I see a few tears run down his chin and he quickly wipes them away with his fingertips. 

When I was a young nurse, I used to get nervous in situations like these and concentrate on myself and what I was going to say. Now I don't think about myself, only focus on him and encourage him to go on. He doesn't need answers; he just needs someone to listen. 

“He seems like such a loving father,” I say softly. 

“Yeah, he is. He's the best.” Edward jumps up suddenly, making the cup fall and spill coffee on the table. He walks quickly over to window where he leans his hands on the frame, his head hanging down. I can see he's crying, but I just let him be, his body language telling me to leave him alone. I mop up the coffee and sit down again, not knowing if he wants to talk more or not. 

Many minutes pass before he clears his voice loudly and takes some deep breaths. I decide to say something that's important to me. “You know, last night your father told me he has two grandchildren?” 

He turns to me. 

“I think maybe you should talk to your wife and Bella about letting them visit their grandfather soon. I know you want him home tomorrow, and if they visit him here or at home it doesn't matter.”

He looks right at me, and it seems to me that he likes thinking about something he can do. “Yeah, I know he would love to see them. But what if they get afraid?”

“You need to prepare them really well and tell them that he's very sick. If they visit here, you need to explain to them what the hospital ward looks like and they need to know that he'll look different from how they're used to seeing him. They'll also need to be held by someone they trust, someone that are able to sooth them if they start crying, someone that will not get overwhelmed by their own feelings.”

“Okay, we can do that,” Edward says.

“Great. I think you should tell them in the morning that you're going to visit him later tomorrow, and maybe ask if they want to draw him something.” 

“That's a good idea. I'll talk to Bella in the morning. I guess my ex-husband wouldn't mind.”

I put my cup away not letting it show how happy it makes me to hear him so easily tell a stranger that he's gay.

I need to make another round of the ward. Mr. Cullen has been alone in his room for half an hour now, and I feel the need to check on him. 

Before I go home in the morning, I check in on Mr. Cullen one last time, both he and Edward are sound asleep. Mr. Cullen on his back and Edward at his side loosely holding his father’s hand. 

– O – 

I sleep all Sunday just getting up once to use the bathroom. When I wake up properly at five p.m., I almost feel like I've slept too long. My limbs are stiff and I need to go for a run to loosen up after I've eaten. I shower and then call Alice to hear about her date last night. She doesn't pick up and I'm in the middle of watching a movie with the hot actor who I now know is gay, when she calls me back.

She sounds a bit breathless saying, “Hi, Jasper, what's up?”

“Nothing special. I'm just drooling over the lead actor of the movie we saw last weekend.. Did you know he's gay? I think I'm going to see all his movies again now that I know that he is.”

“Yes,” she laughs. “I've known that for a long time. Did you just find out?”

“I read it last night. I've always thought he's hot, but now that I know he's available to me he's even hotter. I'm not opposed to having a ten to fifteen year younger boyfriend when he's rich, you know.” 

Laughing Alice quips back, “Yeah, and think of his stamina!”

“What?” I pretend to be indignant. “I still have excellent stamina, thank you very much!” 

“Jasper? I'm still at Seth's,” she's suddenly whispering. 

I whisper back, ”That's great! I take it your date was a success then? By the way, why are we whispering?” 

“I just don't want him to hear me speaking about him. And yes, it went really well. I'll talk to you more tomorrow. I just wanted to call you back and check that everything was alright.”

“Yeah, we'll talk tomorrow. Have fun!”

– O – 

When I show up at work tonight, I see that Mr. Cullen is still here. I wonder how he is and why Edward hasn't taken him home as he wanted to. He's the last patient I catch up on and as I read it, everything falls into place. 

Late this afternoon, the plan was to let him go home and Irina was helping him put his painful right leg into his pants, when he leaned forward to get up and got a sudden stomach ache. Irina helped him back into bed and the ultrasound showed that the pain came from his aneurism that had a small crack towards the back. It was pressed up against his spine, which prevented the blood from pumping out into his stomach and him from dying within minutes. Now the blood has been trickling out for three hours and he's still conscious.

Most of the patients I have that lie on their deathbed are unconscious, often at least for the last couple of days or so. They don't feel their death approaching and just sleep right into it. In some ways, I feel that is easier for everybody, but when the dying person is conscious, it's possible for them to say goodbye to their loved ones.

When I was a young nurse, I used to get nervous when I was approaching my dying patient and their relatives. I was focused on myself and trying hard to think of the right words and keep my own emotions away. Now I have done this many times and even if the persons involved are different every time, I'm relaxed enough to not think about me, but them. Usually I just know what they need.

I knock on Mr. Cullen's door before I walk in slowly enough to be respectful and take a good look around to get a picture of the situation. The room is tidy, not a single thing out of place. The table has a cloth on it, with a candle burning and a picture of Mr. and Mrs. Cullen holding two small children. On the wall easiest for Mr. Cullen to see, there are two children's drawings pinned up. 

Mr. Cullen is lying still in his bed, stacked up with pillows, his face pale and lips a little blue. He's breathing rapidly, his body trying to get his brain enough oxygen. I see right away from his face that he's in pain. 

Esme sits close to him, transfixed on his face, and doesn't look up when I come in. Bella sits beside her, stroking her mother's back. Riley's standing behind Bella, holding her shoulders and Edward is sitting at the other side of the bed, holding tight to his father’s hand. 

“Hello,” I say softly to them all. 

They all mumble “Hello” back. 

Edward gets up and lets me through to feel Mr. Cullen's forehead. He doesn't move his head, but his eyes look up sideways at me. 

“I can see that you're in pain,” I tell him. “I'll get you more morphine right away.” I have the syringe ready in my pocket. 

“No,” his voice is weak. “I don't want it.” I look at him waiting for him to tell me more. “It makes me sluggish and even sleepier.”

“Yes, I understand. How about I just give you a tiny amount, but more often?” I suggest to him. 

“Yes, Dad, I think you should do that,” Bella says hoarsely. 

Mrs. Cullen nods, “We don't want you in pain, dear.”

“Okay, maybe just a little,” Mr. Cullen whispers. Mrs. Cullen smiles a trembling, lovingly smile at him and reaches her hand out, stroking his shoulder. 

Over the next three hours, I go back and forth into the room. I want them to have time alone with him, but I need to give him painkillers and check on his progress. The last hour he's been sleeping peacefully, every breath he takes coming further and further apart. They're all watching him carefully and are quiet most of the time. 

I tell Maggie and Maria that they need to take care of my other patients for a bit now, as I'm needed in Mr. Cullen's room. There is a change in him, not only in his breathing, but also in his face. I can't say exactly what it is, but I know there is little time left before he's gone. I've been standing by the wall for a bit, out of their way, but they all look sharply up at me when I approach. His hands are cold and marbled and I have a hard time feeling his pulse on his wrist. 

Nobody says anything. I just stand behind them and we all watch Mr. Cullen's chest for movement. There is none for several minutes, and I know he's dead. I go over to him, but don't feel any pulse. I glance at my watch to know what time to tell the doctor and look up at Mrs. Cullen nodding, all of them staring at me. 

“I'm sorry. He's gone,” I say.

They've all been very quiet, but suddenly Bella throws herself over his stomach sobbing, “Oh, Daddy!”

Edward dries his face and walks over to his mother, holding her, her back shaking. Riley takes Bella into his arms and she sobs into his chest. I take away all of Mr. Cullen's pillows except for one and place his hands together on his chest. His eyes are already closed, so I don't need to close them. 

I let them be by themselves for a little while, giving the family the time they need together. I call the doctor for her to come and confirm that he's dead and fill out the necessary papers. She says she'll be there soon. There is no rush, but I need her confirmation before I can take care of Mr. Cullen's body, though we always wait for two hours before we start washing him out of respect.

I tell Maria and Maggie I have a deceased patient, and we agree that Maggie will help me take care of him later, while Maria tends to all of our patients. If necessary, she'll get help from another ward.

I go to the Cullen family again to check up on them. They're standing together talking quietly. I shake everybody's hand and tell them I'm sorry for their loss. We talk a little and I ask if any of them want to participate in taking care of Mr. Cullen, but none of them wants to. I make sure they have all of his things and clothes before they go, including the children's drawings. They also take brochures with them that we have from funeral homes with phone numbers on them. 

We shake hands one last time out in the corridor and all of them thank me for our help before they go. 

– O – 

When I lie in my bed after my shift is over, I think about how this weekend’s work turned out. It's always sad when one of my patients dies. I feel for the relatives who stay behind and it reminds me of my own sorrows. I always wonder how they take it in the long run because it's very rare that I ever see them again. I didn't know the Cullen family very well, but from what I saw, they showed me normal signs of sorrow. I'm pleased with my work and just wait for the sleep to come.

Tossing and turning all morning, I'm dreaming all kinds of strange things. At one p.m., I wake up sweating, not feeling rested, but like I have a hangover. I get up to take a shower and change my bedsheets. As I stand in the shower feeling the warm water wash over me, I wonder if it was my work that disturbed my sleep today, but I can't think of anything I did wrong or something that affected me in a strong way. I wash myself with some bodywash I got from Alice last Christmas. It smells somewhat nice, and I wish I had someone with me here in the shower helping me get clean. When it's my turn to go, will I have a family sitting around me, holding my hand?


	3. Chapter 3

One year later

 

On my way home after a long day shift, my feet are killing me and I can't wait to put them up. I barely had more than a few minutes to sit down all day, only managing to stuff some lunch into my mouth a few hours ago. Determined that I was going to make time to eat today, Irina and I ate on shift. I don't want to relive the embarrassing night I had a year ago, getting drunk when I went out with Alice because I hadn't eaten anything all day.

This Thursday, Alice and Seth want to go to the party for health workers, policemen and firefighters at the club downtown again. They're celebrating their one year anniversary together at the place they met, and of course, they need Jacob and me with them, as we're their best friends and were with them when they met. 

The ward has been full of patients for a while and it's been such a stressful day with patients and colleagues dragging me in all directions. I need a few hours to rest my head and feet if I'm going to be able to have a good time with my friends tonight. 

Taking a long relaxing shower, I try to let my mind think of things other than work, eat the Chinese noodles and soybeans I picked up on my way home and sleep for a couple of hours before I need to get ready to meet the others outside the club. I can't believe it's been a whole year since we've been here and Alice meeting Seth for the first time. He's a really nice and caring guy and they’ve had a great time together. After all Alice's been through with her ex-husband, I'm glad she's found someone who treats her as she deserves. 

I easily spot Jacob's tall frame when I approach the queue in front of the club. He's good looking and a great guy, but he just doesn't do it for me. I don't know what it is; I just don't find him attractive. It would have been perfect though, if we could have been together when our best friends are a couple, but we're just friends, and now, after a year of knowing each other, he's become one of my best friends. We share a lot of interests and often hang out without Alice or Seth, watching movies or going to concerts. 

“Hi Jasper,” Jacob says warmly, hugging me. “I was thinking that we should have thought of buying a present for Alice and Seth today.”

“No, it'd just be in the way here,” I tell him my opinion. “We can buy them drinks tonight and get them something as a house-warming gift from the both of us when they move in together in two weeks.”

Jacob nods his agreement at my idea, his eyes checking out the people around us. He tilts his head to the side. “Don't turn around now, but there is a totally hot guy staring at you from the end of the queue. Reddish hair and dark green shirt. Love his eyes. Why can't he stare at me like that?”

I don't get to see the guy, because suddenly I have a small woman hugging my chest. “Hi Alice! Great to see you!” I tell her. “Hi Seth!” I nod at her boyfriend now standing beside Jacob, who is just as tall, his hand on his best friend’s shoulder.

Finally inside, Jacob and I buy drinks for us all at the bar, and find a table by the window. I make sure to drink water in between my drinks from the start to prevent getting drunk, and that's a good thing, because I see several familiar faces here. None of them is from my ward, but I'm sure a lot of them are people I meet elsewhere at the hospital. When we see each other at work, we all wear uniforms, and women with long hair have ponytails, making it hard to place them here. Some of them come up to our table to talk. Both Alice and Jacob work at the ER and they have a lot of colleagues in common they talk to.

Getting up to dance, we lose our table, but we're having a great time dancing and drinking, when Jacob nudges me. “There is that guy again, the one who was staring at you outside.” The others hear him too, and all of us turn our heads to where he's looking. There, standing in a group of both men and women, are Edward Cullen and Riley Biers, son and son-in-law of Mr. Cullen, my patient from a year ago. 

Edward is laughing at something someone says. He looks over to where we stand, stops laughing immediately and looks very serious when he sees me staring. He looks hot in the green shirt and black jeans he's wearing.

This could be somewhat awkward for me, meeting them here when we're partying and we've only met each other as nurse and relatives in a very sensitive situation. If they recognize me from the ward, would they want to talk to me about what happened there? 

“Oh, Jasper, there is that guy you danced and did body shots with a year ago!” Alice says excited. “The one in the green shirt!” 

“What are you saying Alice? It was him I did body shots with? I don't believe you.” The situation gets ten times more awkward for me. 

Seth confirms it, “Yeah, I recognize him too, Jasper. I had to help Alice peel you off him and get you home. You were so drunk you couldn't take care of yourself that night. We took a cab to your place and put you to bed before Alice came home with me.” He looks lovingly down at Alice, clearly remembering their first night together. 

I can admit Edward's good looking when I see him here and I'm not at work being his dying father’s nurse. If this were the first time I had seen him, I would certainly have noticed him. I remember thinking when I met him at the hospital I'd seen him somewhere before. I believe Alice is right. 

All of us are staring at Edward when Alice suddenly takes my hand and drags me over to him. 

I try to stop her, this is not me. “No, Alice, what are you doing?” She doesn't know his father was my patient and I can't tell her due to patient confidentiality.

“Oh, hush, Jasper!” She stops and whisper-yells at me, smacking my arm. “I know you're just embarrassed that you got so drunk last time you met him. I'm only being a good friend helping you reconnect with a guy you obviously like but are too afraid to talk to. You always talk about fate, well if this isn't fate I don't know what is. A year ago I met my boyfriend here, now it's your turn! ” 

Before I can tell her I don't want to talk to him, Riley sees us and waves at me. “Hey nurse Jasper, isn't it?”

Alice looks at me quizzically, but with her being a nurse as well, she knows not to ask me what he means. 

I don't get a chance to say anything in greeting, because Seth and Jacob are by our side and Seth's clasping Edward's shoulder, saying, “Hey, body shot guy, right?” 

Edward looks over at me, and answers Seth a bit stiffly, “Yeah, I've done body shots before. Was there a specific time you were referring to?”

“I guess I can understand you not remembering me, but I had to peel Jasper off you to get him home from here a year ago.” Seth laughs, slapping my shoulder too. Everyone in the group laughs with him, and I'm so incredibly embarrassed by this, I can only stand there staring at my shoes, but I'm also curious about how Edward takes it, so I peek up at him. 

He staring right at me, “Yeah, I remember it clearly actually.” A chorus of 'ooh's' goes through the group, everybody's listening in, but he doesn't bat an eye. 

Riley says curiously, “Did you two do body shots together? Why didn't you tell me this, Edward?”

“You mean I should have thought about telling you at the hospital when we were taking care of my dying father, Riley? I guess I had other things on my mind at the time!” Edward says angrily. 

Alice looks at me mouthing, “Sorry.” She's finally understanding exactly why I didn't want to go over here. I just shrug at her, now it's too late anyway, and a part of me is happy that she dragged me over – Edward is hot, and I would never have the guts to approach him on my own. 

“Well, Jasper, do you want to dance?” My eyes snap up to meet Edward’s, surprised by his sudden question, that he can be interested in me like that after I was his father’s nurse. Maybe I shouldn't have been so careful with my drinking after all, because now I'm nervous and it would have made me loosen up more, at least one more drink. There is something unattainable in his demeanor, but that could be just because we don't really know each other.

I can only nod and follow him over to the dance floor, where we stand facing each other, him a little taller than me. I'm staring down at his chest, almost feeling like a schoolboy. People are dancing all around us to some pop song I've never heard before, when I feel his hand slip under my chin, tilting my head up so that I look him in the eye. I give him what he wants and start moving my hips to the rhythm.

His eyes intense, his hand goes to my side and pulls me closer to him, making us move together, merely a small distance between us, to the same rhythm as the song ends and another one starts. The only place we're touching is his hand on my side but I'm acutely aware of it as we're dancing in front of each other. 

He leans a little closer, my breathing hitching when for a second I think he's going to kiss me, but he turns his head to my ear saying, “Do you want to get a drink?” 

“Yeah, I'd like that,” I breathe out, a little bit disappointed, but also feeling foolish for thinking he would want to kiss me.

He takes my hand, leading me through the crowd, and I can't seem to care about faces from work anymore and what they might think if they see me get drunk. Now the reason I don't want to drink too much is Edward. I want to be able to remember everything of this second night we're together here.

We slide onto available seats by the bar, both of us ordering beer. He turns to me starting to say something, but is interrupted by a man’s hand on his shoulder. 

“Hey, Edward,” the man slurs, leaning heavily on Edward’s shoulder, clearly drunk. Edward cringes away from him, but the man doesn't seem to notice. “Caught any bad guys lately?”

The man tries to get the bartender’s attention by waving his arm sloppily. Edward gets up and the man almost falls, before Edward catches him. 

“I think it's time you get home to your wife now, Alec. You have had enough to drink already. Where are Quil and Embry when I need them?” he says, looking around. Two other men comes over, taking over from Edward, helping their friend out and Edward turns to me again when Jacob puts a hand on my shoulder, “Jasper, are you ready to head home? We're sharing a cab and can stop by your place, if you want to come now.”

I look over at Edward wanting him to stop me from going home, but he only shakes his head. I feel a bit disappointed that we didn't get to talk. “Here, type in your number for me, and I'll call you,” he says handing me his phone. I do it quickly, trying to sneak in a call to myself to get his number, but he takes his phone back before I get to hit send. 

“Come on, Jasper, we're ready to leave,” Jacob is very eager to leave early tonight it seems. He takes my arm and I have to follow him over to Alice and Seth where they're getting their jackets. 

“It's only,” I look at my watch, “midnight. Why do you want to leave so early?” I ask them. 

“We've had a long day already, and I'm a bit tired,” Alice says looking over at Seth. I've noticed Alice has changed a lot lately. She was always the one to make sure I got out of my apartment and drag me to parties and always the last one to leave. Even when she was married five years ago, she always had to be where everything was happening at all times. 

“Besides, Jacob saw you yawning by the bar where you were talking to Edward. I guess we saved you from a boring conversation, huh?” she says happily. I can't help but glare at Jacob, but he doesn't see it with his back to me. Why would he tell her I was yawning when I wasn't?

Well, Edward has my phone number, and I'm sure he's going to call me tomorrow. He's clearly interested in me in some way since he asked if I wanted to dance with him, and he asked for my phone number, after all. 

In the taxi on our way home, Alice and Seth have a hard time keeping their hands off each other, making it a bit awkward for me sharing the back seat with them, while Jacob sits up front with the driver. When the cab pulls up at my place, I'm relieved to get out of the car. I say to Alice, “I'll call you tomorrow, sweetie.” But before I close the door, it's Jacob who responds to me, “Okay, talk to you tomorrow, then! Sleep well!”

I've had a long, tiring week at work, but my mind is going on high speed now that I'm alone and have a chance to think of all that's happened tonight. I'm wide awake and if I go to bed right away, I know I won't be able to sleep, so I get settled on the sofa. After brushing my teeth and putting on my pajama pants, I start a movie and try to focus all these thoughts.

I must have fallen asleep, because I wake up with a jolt lying halfway off the sofa. The movie has come to a stop and my hand is in my pants, caressing my hard cock. Groaning, I see it's only three a.m. and I need to go to bed. I slip under the cool covers and toss and turn, not finding a comfortable position. I prefer sleeping on my stomach, but my dick is still hard, distracting me from my sleep, and when I grip and squeeze it, I can't help but moan, fantasizing about what could have happened if only my friends had left Edward and me alone tonight.

When we dance together, his hands on my hips travel down to my ass and squeeze it tightly, pressing our hard dicks together right there on the dance floor in front of our friends and colleagues, but they go unnoticed by us. He tells me he wants to come home with me. My heart is beating so fast and it's us that share a cab back to my place. 

We don't have any patience for taking off our clothes once we make it in the front door. He only unzips his pants, pushes me down on my knees in front of him, and orders me to suck him. His cum fills my mouth so fast, he's panting over me, so impressed by the skills I've mastered over the years that he wants to reward me, he says. 

I don't get a chance to ask what he means before I'm on my back in my bed this time with my pants down to my knees. Very deliberately, he takes two of his long fingers into his mouth, making sure he has my full attention, and moistens them. They're shining with his spit before they disappear and I feel them over my crease and then they're at the opening of my ass where they easily slip inside. He's pushing them in and out slowly, pressing them just the right way, making me gasp and writhe. He takes my hard cock in his hand pointing the swollen top to his lips and spits on it, getting it wet before his warm mouth engulfs me entirely. 

I come hard over my own hand, my back bowing when my whole body tenses from the force. Panting, I dry my hand on one of the paper towels I have on my nightstand and tuck myself back into my pajama pants. Exhausted, I finally slip into a restful sleep.

– O – 

Jacob calls me in the morning when I'm reading the newspaper and eating my breakfast, asking if he can come over later. It's only Friday and I have the whole weekend off. I need to get my laundry done and the apartment cleaned today so that I'm free for the rest of the weekend - to go on a date, if someone would happen to ask me. I have my phone in my pocket all morning to make sure I hear it if I get a call from Edward, and I'm almost finished cleaning when Jacob's at the door with lunch in his hand.

“Mm, something smells nice,” I tell him taking deep breaths, enjoying the aromas that are coming from his bag.

He comes right in and puts it on my kitchen table, smiling, and starts taking containers out of it. The smells make my mouth water and I get us plates and drinks. The sunlight flows in from the kitchen window over our lunch.

“I wanted to talk to you about the idea you told me yesterday,” he says between mouthfuls. 

I don't know what he means right away, so I only make encouraging noises while chewing. 

“You know, that we should find something to give Alice and Seth as a house-warming gift from the both of us. I was thinking we could go shopping after we’ve finished eating and find the perfect gift.”

“But we have two whole weeks to find them something, and I didn't know it was such a big deal what we gave them. It's not like they're getting married.” I'm a bit puzzled by him wanting us to put so much effort into this. “Finding perfect gifts is more Alice's thing, and she knows not to expect anything great from me.”

“That is why I was thinking we should start now,” Jacob says. “That way we have enough time to find them something. Anyway, did you sleep well? You were not woken by any phone calls?”

“No, I slept very well. The only person I've talked to today is you.” 

He smiles warmly at me. “I'm glad Edward hasn't called you. He doesn't seem like someone you should get to know.”

“Why is that?” I ask him, a bit annoyed with his meddling that seems out of place. 

“Didn't the guy he was with say that you were his dying father’s nurse? I know of course we can't talk about the specifics, but it is very important to keep work and personal life separated in our kind of work.” He's only being a good friend to me, helping me with something he knows all about with him being a doctor in the ER.

“Yeah, I'm aware of this, but I don't think that is a problem here. He was interested in me when we met at the club a year ago, too. It was his father who was in the hospital, not Edward, and a whole year has passed since then.”

“But still, you should be very careful in these kinds of situations, I think. I admit he's hot, and by the way he was staring at you, I think he's interested in you, but there is always the possibility that he only wanted your phone number to talk to you about his father's death.”

Everything Jacob says makes sense to me, but I didn't get the feeling Edward wanted to talk to me as a nurse, and the way his hand felt like on my hip and the look in his eyes certainly made me want to see him again. Jacob’s words are making me doubt what I should do when Edward calls me though. I have no obligations to him, I can simply not pick up.


	4. Chapter 4

I really need to talk to my best friend and get her advice on what I should do if Edward calls me, but I'm stuck with Jacob all afternoon. He insists on going into shop after shop, promising me we're going to find the perfect gift for Alice and Seth in the next one, and the next one. He's constantly chatting away and doesn't seem to notice that I stopped listening to him several shops earlier. 

Finally, I'm so tired of his constant jabbering in my ear, I tell him I need to go home and start dinner, but then he insists he's taking me out. My feet hurt, just as they do after a day shift at work, so I'm glad to just go to a restaurant, sit down and get my dinner served. 

I order a coke, to get some sugar and hopefully get rid of the headache I have, and down it all at once. As we order our food, the waitress flirts shamelessly with Jacob, and he looks at me sideways while answering her politely. I ignore them and check my phone for the millionth time this afternoon, wondering why Edward hasn't called me yet. I'm almost certain that I won't pick up if he calls, but I can't help but get butterflies in my stomach every time I look for missed calls.

Putting my phone down, I see the waitress is finally finished taking our order. Jacob looks at me with very serious eyes from the other side of the table. “Jasper, I want to talk to you about something important,” he says, placing his sweaty hand over mine.

“Okay. If this is about the gift again, I don't think I can make any decision about that right now. I really need to eat something to be able to think again.”

“No no, I'm sorry I dragged you all around the city today, Jasper. I was hoping to find a good opportunity to talk to you about something,” he says, clearing his voice. “What you think of me?”

Puzzled, I ask him, “What do you mean? I think of you as a close friend, after knowing you this year and hanging out together.”

“No, I mean, do you like me? Because I like you.” He squeezes my hand, “Jasper, I'm tired of trying to stay away from you. I love you.”

I take my hand away from his. “What? You . . . you love me?” I ask him stupidly. I'm so shocked; I have a hard time taking this the right way. Shaking my head, I try to clear my thoughts. I need to be nice to him and find the right words. 

“Jacob, I'm so sorry. I'm your friend and I love you as a friend, but nothing more. I'm so sorry. I didn't know you thought of me as more than that,” I tell him in a soothing voice.

He looks hurt right away, his eyes huge like a dog’s eyes, before he stands up. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

I guess he needs some alone time. His behavior today makes sense to me now. Him being glad that Edward hadn't called me and strongly advising me not to talk more to him. 

I'm a bit surprised that he hasn't just left me here when he comes back as our food arrives. I dig in, too hungry to ask how he's doing right away. We eat up, and when I insist we split the bill, he reluctantly agrees.

Finally, back home, I try to call Alice, but she doesn't answer her phone. I could call Seth, but I guess he might be talking to Jacob right now. I wonder if they knew about Jacob's feelings for me, but I don't think Alice did, as I'm sure she would have told me something. I hope Jacob and I can still be friends since we see so much of each other and with our best friends in love and moving in together. 

I check my phone all evening, wondering why Edward hasn't called, feeling almost like a lovesick girl in the end. I even try to find his number in the phone book, but it's not registered there, for some reason. I decide to stop waiting for his call. I guess we were not meant to be, and this way I don't need to make the hard decision that I was not going to pick up. I think.

– O – 

The next morning, I lie in bed wondering what I should do all weekend. My apartment is already clean and I have no shifts at work. Up until a year ago, I would have done something with Alice, but since she met Seth, it would be the two of them plus Jacob and me, but I don't think that's an option today. Yesterday morning I was hoping to have a hot date tonight, but I guess that's not happening. Most of my other friends have families and spend weekends with them, and I don't even have parents to visit anymore.

I think I’ll feel much better after a shower and a long breakfast reading the newspaper, and I stand under the hot stream for a long time, trying to shake off the melancholy. Eating toast and hot coffee, I scan the paper for things I could do today and as usual end up in the movie section where I see the Hollywood remake of 'The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo' has its premiere this weekend. I've read the books but haven't seen the Swedish film so I decide on the morning show.

Grabbing my keys and wallet, I notice that the light is blinking on my cell, indicating that I have a text message, but I need to hurry if I'm going to make the noon show, so I don't make time to check it. There are only a few people in the cinema this early and I sit with my legs up on the seat before me, checking my messages as the advertising is rolling. I nearly drop my popcorn when I see I have a text from Edward asking me if I want to go on a date with him for lunch today at noon.

I feel my heart start beating hard in my chest. What the hell am I going to do? I need Alice desperately. Right now. I send her a text, telling her I need her, and sit staring at my phone waiting for her to answer me.

The text must have come while I was showering, and instead of searching the newspaper for something to do, I could be on a date right now - with a fuckhot guy. 

He asked me out on a date, so I don't think it can be that he only wants someone to talk to about his father’s death, as Jacob suggested. I first thought Jacob only said those things to help me, and even if what he said still makes sense, I now know he also had an ulterior motive. Even if it might be morally questionable if I had gone on a date with Edward right after we met at the hospital, a year has passed now, and I can't see the problem anymore. 

The movie is one hour in without any answer from Alice and I haven't seen anything of it, so I decide to head back home. I feel so frustrated. I'm a grown man, soon to be forty. I need to be able to make decisions without my best friend. 

Sitting on my sofa, fiddling with my phone and trying to decide if I should text him back or not it suddenly rings in my hand. Startled, I'm instantly relieved that it's Alice returning my call.

“Finally, you’ve called me back. I'm so stressed out I can't think straight anymore. You have to help me,” I tell her right away. 

The phone is silent for two seconds, before a deep voice answers slowly, “Okay. What do you need help with?”

I nearly drop my phone to the floor, but catch it in time and look at the display – I'm not familiar with the number. 

“I . . . I, who is this, please?”

“It's Edward Cullen speaking. Is this Jasper's phone?” he says, and I'm so embarrassed and nervous at the same time. 

Taking a deep breath, I answer him, “Hello Edward, yes this is Jasper. I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.”

“That's okay, Jasper.” He says my name again, and I like the way it sounds when it comes from him. “I sent you a text earlier, but I didn't get an answer, so I thought I should call instead and check if I had the right number, and I guess I had.”

“Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I didn't see it before it was too late for lunch. I didn't mean to be rude. Thank you for asking me.”

“So, Jasper, what is it that's got you so stressed out that you needed help from this friend of yours?”

There he said it again; his voice so clear and steady, so sure of himself.

“Oh that! No, it was nothing, nothing at all.” I can't think of an excuse off the top of my head. My stomach is in knots. 

“I'm glad to hear it! I have a suggestion for you, Jasper. Since you made me miss my lunch, you can make up for it by going to dinner with me instead,” he says with finality. “Meet me at the address I'll be texting you at seven p.m. and we're even.”

Stunned by his boldness, I can't say no to him, and I really don't want to either. He makes me need to see him. I have no idea what Alice will think of this, but it doesn't matter. My indecisiveness is over; I'm going on a dinner date with Edward Cullen. 

– O – 

My taxi stops outside of a big apartment building, and I'm sure I'm at the wrong address.

“There has to be a mistake here, you see I'm going to a restaurant,” I tell the driver, but he points to the sign out on the street that tells me he's right.

I pay him and look at the text I received earlier from Edward. Everything is in accordance. 

Outside the front door, there are a number of names, and I find 'Cullen'. Pressing the button, his deep voice answers me a second later and I go inside and up the steps. On the third floor, where the door is open, Edward stands with an apron around his waist and his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows. I work hard to be polite and only look at his face and don't let my eyes wander all over him, but he follows my every movement as I slowly walk up the last few steps until I reach him. I grasp his warm, outstretched hand in mine and he doesn't let go as he leads me inside. 

“I'm sorry that I didn't bring anything with me. I thought we were going to a restaurant,” I tell him. 

“That's fine, Jasper. I know you didn't know where you were going.” I take off my shoes and jacket and he takes it, hanging it up for me beside a small, purple raincoat. 

I follow him nervously, passing two closed doors on our way to the kitchen where a small table is already set for two. He lights the candle and holds out one of the chairs for me, then goes over to the stove to stir a pot. 

“We're having couscous with chicken and vegetable stew. Would you like some red wine with that?” he asks, looking over at me. 

“Yes please, I'd like that.” I really need some liquid courage right now. He would be intimidating enough if we were in a restaurant, but being here in Edward’s home, I need all the help I can get to loosen my tongue if I want him to ask for a second date.

Taking the glass he offers me, I immediately take a sip. It tastes really good. I savor the taste in my mouth, making small appreciative noises. 

When I look up from the glass, I see Edward has stopped stirring and holds a spoon at a halt right in front of his open mouth, as if he’s ready to taste the food, but has forgotten. He's staring at my lips instead. Shaking his head, he puts the spoon back in and serves us.

“This looks delicious,” I tell him appreciatively when he sits down in front of me, and we both grab our forks and start eating. “Mm, it's really good.” 

“You should try taking a sip of the wine right after you have swallowed the food and see how the wine tastes then,” he tells me. I have little knowledge of wine, so I just do as he says and immediately taste the difference.

“Hm, it's like the tastes reinforce each other?” I say it like a question and he smiles, filling up my glass for me. “Yes Jasper, that's the whole point of it.”

We eat more in silence. “So, you obviously already know that I'm a nurse. What do you do?” I ask him between bites.

He cocks his head to the side and looks at me. “I told you this the night we met. I'm a police detective. You don't remember much of that night, do you?”

“Erm, no, I'm sorry. I wish I did though.” I feel my cheeks burn with embarrassment. “I had a really stressful day at work and didn't have time to eat before we went out, so I'm afraid the shots went right to my head.”

“I noticed when we were at the hospital, that all you nurses were running your legs off most of the time, like you needed to be everywhere at once. That can't be healthy for you. Don't you have time to eat?”

“No, I guess not. There is a reason most nurses don't work in the hospital until their retirement. I try to do what I can by eating healthily and exercising in my spare time. But I can't imagine I'll be able to handle the stress and all the requirements when I get older.” I pause and wonder if I should talk more about the time they were at the hospital, but I feel that it would be blurring the lines for me to ask him. 

“Just so you know it, my family and I were very pleased with the help we got in your ward. Even though my father didn't survive, we know there was nothing that could have been done about that.”

I'm glad he brought this up himself, so that we can get it out of the way.

“I'm glad to hear it. If you had any bad experiences I hope you know that you can complain?”

“Yes, we know that, but we're all satisfied with the treatment. My mother often talks about the night my father died, as a part of processing the grief, I think, and she always talks about what a good job she thinks you did.” His words touch me and are very nice to hear. 

We finish eating, and sit drinking our wine. 

“No, I'm sorry. I didn't remember anything before Alice told me the next day that I had done body shots and that she needed help from Seth to drag me off someone. It wasn't until last Thursday night, a year afterwards, that I got to know it was you.”

He takes my hand over the table, squeezing it and it feels nothing like when Jacob took my hand. I look down at where he holds me.

“Hey, don't be embarrassed about getting drunk one night. That can happen to anybody. At least you're a nice drunk,” he laughs at the memory. 

“What did I do?” I can't help but ask him, hoping he'll tell me the truth and not make fun of me. 

“You were really sweet, as I can recall, but after all those shots I got pretty drunk myself. I remember that you didn't want to go home with your friends though, and that you were clinging to me. That last part I remember clearly for some reason,” he whispers the last sentence, looking up at me and I easily see why Jacob would emphasize his eyes. His irises are clear green, and when I sit this close to him, I can see a black ring frames them. 

“Do you want to sit in the living room? Or maybe you want me to show you the basement?” he asks. 

“What? Are you serious? What is in your basement?” I can't help but laugh at the oddness of being shown the basement on a first date. He stands up, walks over to the refrigerator grabbing two water bottles, and takes my hand. 

“Come on, I'll show you.” 

– O – 

We're in front of one of the many storage rooms in the basement when he unlocks the padlock and opens the door. I walk right in on a soft gym mat that's covering most of the floor. 

We've entered a square room with a brick wall at the opposite end with a narrow window up against the roof. The lighting is poor. All I can see are vague boxes at the sides, but when Edward pulls the cord to a light hanging from the roof inside the room, I can see that the room is actually not that small, it just has very neatly stacked shelves at the sides clearly marked with the contents. 

Right at the center of the room, a well-worn boxing bag is hanging from the roof on a chain. 

“This is where I get some aggression out after a frustrating shift at work or,” he pauses, “if there is anything else irritating me. I've discovered that this helps me get peace of mind.” He grabs a set of boxing gloves, handing them to me. “You up for it?”

“Okay,” I reply slowly, taking off my shirt and putting on the gloves that Edward helps me tighten. When he's finishing up he looks at me, and I notice how close he's standing, “Have you done any boxing before?” 

I tell him honestly, “I’ve tried it a few times, but that was a long time ago now.”

“I'll hold the bag for you. You need to hold your feet like this,” he instructs me. “Now try it and we'll see how it goes.” 

I start with a few weak, trying punches and he stops me. “Jasper, you need to hit harder than that! I promise you I can take it,” he says to me from the other side of the bag, and I start to really punch it. 

Really getting into it, I soon feel breathless and sweaty as my t-shirt is clinging to my torso. I stop for a moment, Edward reappears from behind the bag and hands me one of the water bottles. It's awkward to hold the bottle with my unnaturally large hands, but I manage to drink it all down. Wiping off some of the sweat drops that threaten to run down into my eyes, I feel him watching me. Looking down, I see my white t-shirt is see-through from the sweat, with my nipple rings showing and his eyes are glued to them.

“So yeah, I guess I should have taken my t-shirt off before I put on the gloves, huh?” The air is becoming thick with the two of us exercising in this small room.

Edward rips off his shirt and t-shirt in one go, standing in front of me naked from the waist up. I can't help but stare at his ripped arms and chest. He doesn't have any tattoos like me, having my arms covered in them, but I rather like to see his skin like this, like a blank canvas, pure almost. That is until he turns around to toss his clothes away, and I see his whole back is covered in dark, angry ink.

Abruptly he turns around, clearly overhearing my gasp.


	5. Chapter 5

“What's the matter? I would have thought you like ink, being covered in it yourself?” he sounds hurt. 

“Oh no, I'm sorry. I love it! I just didn't expect it, that's all,” I tell him quietly.

“Okay, then. Can I have a go at the bag?” he asks me. When I nod, he helps me untie the laces on the boxing gloves. It takes a while to get them off and I have some time to check him out undisturbed. His forehead wrinkles in concentration, and apart from that, he has small lines around his eyes and mouth. 

“How old are you, Edward?” He stands so close to me, I only need to whisper for him to hear me. 

He doesn't look up from what he's doing, “I'm 39, how about you?”

“I'm 38. And you have a daughter, right?” I don't think he minds talking about her, since he invited me into his home.

“Yes, her name is Lily and she's nine years old,” he answers me.

“If you don't mind me asking, where is she tonight?”

He's finished untying my second glove and holds them out for me to tie them on him, “No that's fine. She's at Sam's, her other dad and my ex-husband. The big jerk. She's there every second week.”

“Oh, that must be hard, being away from your daughter every second week.”

“Yeah, it was in the beginning, but we have lived like this since she was six months old, so we're used to it,” he answers and goes over to the bag. “Do you mind holding it for me? It's better to hit it when its movements are more controlled.”

I hold it for him, and even though I thought I was prepared for his hits, I almost fall on my butt when the first punch strikes. He hits it repeatedly, and I can see what he means that it helps him to get rid of his aggression, because it seems like he's in a trance. 

“Sam's an idiot.” Punch, Punch. “He said he wanted my baby, and when we finally had everything we wanted, he didn't want me anymore! And now I have to deal with him for the rest of my life. He's never satisfied with what he has, always wants more or something else. Thankfully, Lily is like me. She knows what she wants, goes after it, and knows how to be content! She's from my sperm, you know, so everything she has from him is what she learns from him. Not that the environment can't be a powerful effect - it can mean everything. I see that a lot at work.”

He's punching so fast and hard, I hold on for dear life. 

“We met at work, Sam and I, when we were police officers. We had the same boss. Now I have my own team and he has his. You met Alec, Quil and Embry on Thursday night. They're on his team. I have Emmett, Rosalie and Garrett, the best team,” he tells me in short sentences, between shallow breaths. 

Punching and punching, he gradually slows down and comes to a halt. Draining the water bottle I give him, some of the water spills down his neck, mixing with sweat that's covering his skin. All of a sudden, I notice how hard it is to breathe down here, with both of us perspiring in this small room. It can't be the best ventilation system down here. My breathing doesn't get any better when Edward steps up to me, motions for me to untie his strings with his naked torso close, his arms and chest formed by years of training and covered in sweat. It's my turn to concentrate on the laces that feel like small unwilling threads under my shaking fingers. 

Finished with one glove and turning to the second, I become aware of my now cold t-shirt and start shivering more when I feel his free fingers under my chin. “Hey,” he whispers to me, lifting my face and making us lock eyes. “Can I kiss you, Jasper?”

My legs are shaking and I can't remember the last time I've anticipated a kiss more than this. I don't trust my voice to answer him, so I only nod once. Leaning closer to me, his face becomes blurry when it’s right in front of me and I close my eyes breathing in his scent. It's then his nose touches mine, slowly rubbing along the bridge and over my chin, under my eye and back to my nose. He radiates warmth and my skin tingles where he touches it. When his wet lips finally meet mine, I'm so ready for him that I immediately deepen the kiss and moan into his mouth. 

My heart is beating as if I have a patient going into cardiac arrest and the adrenaline is pumping in my arteries like never before when one of his hands caresses the back of my head. I feel like I melt into him, my hands on his back feeling his smooth skin, where his tattoos can only be seen and not felt. 

He withdraws slowly, kissing me one last time lightly on my lips, sighing. 

“You're practically shivering with cold. I think it's time we go back upstairs,” he says, handing me my shirt. I grab the empty water bottles before he turns off the light.

Back upstairs in his apartment, I become aware of the time, and it's getting late. “I should go home now. I'm just going to call a cab.”

“Okay. I'd offer to drive you home, but since we shared a bottle of wine tonight, I don't think that would be wise. Tomorrow I'm getting Lily back, but next Sunday I'm leaving her with Sam in the morning and I'm free the rest of the day. Do you want to go out on a date at a restaurant this time?” he asks me, leaning against the wall while I get dressed. 

Relieved he wants a second date, I immediately agree to meet him at one p.m. His warm smile as I go down the first stairs is what I think about on my ride home. I check my phone, which I left on silent, and find five missed calls and two text messages from Alice. I'm sure she's worrying about why I needed her earlier today. A part of me wants to ignore her, as she ignored me, but after I've showered and brushed my teeth, I call her back, even though it's midnight. She doesn't pick up so I go to bed.

– O – 

Sunday morning, I am woken by banging on my front door at nine a.m. and, just as I'm about to get up, my phone rings too. Feeling disoriented, I leave my phone on the bed and go get the door. Looking through the peephole, I see Alice jumping up and down to reach up to my view while the knocking continues. 

“Jasper, we know you're in there, we can hear your phone ringing! Get up; we need to talk to you!” Alice calls. 

I open the door as little as I can to let her and Seth in, without showing my neighbor, who's now standing in her doorway, my sleeping pants. 

Alice hops up and throws her arms around my neck, “I was worried about you! Is everything okay? What happened to you yesterday?”

“I'm all right. It seems like we both needed each other yesterday. I tried calling you back when I got home, but you were probably sleeping already,” I tell her.

Alice looks warmly up at Seth, who's tucked his arm around her, “Yeah, I'm so sleepy these days. Do you have anything to drink? We can go sit in the kitchen.”

“Yes of course, come and sit down. I'll make us some coffee,” I say and lead the way.

Seth follows me, but Alice yells from the hall, “I'm just going to use your bathroom for a second.”

“Is everything all right with the two of you?” I ask Seth while putting on the water. 

“Yes, everything is fine. You're probably wondering why we're here so early on a Sunday?” he grins at me with a smile that reaches his eyes. 

“Well, I can think of a very good reason,” I tell him, thinking of his best friend Jacob’s advances on me two days ago. 

“Oh, you have guessed it already?” he asks me, his smile falling of his face. “Alice will be disappointed that she doesn't get to surprise you.”

As I'm pouring coffee, Alice comes in exuding happiness. “Can I just have some water, please,” she asks. I'm surprised that she, of all people, doesn't want coffee, but I get her a water bottle and sit down.

“So what do I owe this pleasure on an early Sunday morning? Jacob reached you before me?” I ask them, blowing on my hot drink.

“Jacob?” Seth wonders. “We talked to him yesterday. Why should he come to us?”

I feel my stomach growl and get up to make some toast, telling them, “It really doesn't matter now.”

“Will you come back here and sit down!” Alice demands. 

“Okay, okay, I'm just making myself some breakfast, woman!” I sit back down without any toast.

She takes my hand, her eyes shining, “Jasper, we have some news for you. We're going to have a baby!” 

I jump up so surprised and happy for her, “You are? Wow, that's fantastic, Alice! Congratulations both of you!” We hug for a long time, and I know she's getting as teary eyed as I am; she's waited a long time for this.

“How far are you? Do you know?” I ask her, and she tells me all about yesterday when she began counting backwards to her last period and shakily asked Seth to go buy a pregnancy test. She's been on the pill for ages, but something must have gone wrong, or right as we see it, because the test was positive. They got worried because Alice had been out drinking twice since the day they think the baby was conceived and they called Jacob to help them get an emergency ultrasound at the ER. As far as they can tell, everything looks normal.

“This is great! I'm so happy for you,” I get up and hug Alice once more. “How are you feeling? Do you have morning sickness?”

“No, thankfully, I feel fine. I'm just so tired all the time and have to pee a lot. Now I know why.”

“That's great,” I tell her. “I have something to tell you too, but it's only a tiny thing in comparison. I went out on a date last night, with Edward!” I'm smiling so hard, thinking about yesterday. 

“You did?” Alice says surprised. “I had the impression that you were bored with him at the bar. Jacob saw you yawning.”

“Well, that's not true. There is a specific reason for Jacob wanting me to stay away from Edward,” I tell her, looking at Seth to see his reaction. He shifts uncomfortably. 

“Jacob told me two days ago that he likes me more than as a friend, and tried to talk me out of dating Edward. There is a lot of truth in what he said to me, but I think he exaggerated to try to make me stay away from Edward, and that really hurt me. As a good friend, I hoped he would help me instead of saying things that felt like lies to me,” I tell them.

“I'm sorry he treated you like that, Jasper. I have known for some time that he liked you that way, and have encouraged him to tell you and be open about it,” Seth looks apologetic at me, and takes Alice's hand, “Sorry babe, he told me not to tell you.”

“I'm glad you are such a good friend to Jacob, Seth,” Alice comforts him and looks over at me, “Does this have anything to do with Edward's friend calling you 'nurse'? You met him first at the club a year ago and then you were the nurse taking care of his dying father.” She says this as a statement. I saw her making the connection at the club on Thursday.

“That was what I wanted to talk to you about yesterday. I know now that Jacob exaggerated the problems with me dating Edward, but I still wasn't sure what to do. In the end, Edward called me and I had an amazing date with him.”

“When was his father at the hospital?” she asks me seriously. I knew I could count on her to get to the bottom of this.

“It was right after we met at the club a year ago. I thought it was something familiar about him when I saw him there, but it wasn't until you told me on Thursday that I knew it was him I did shots with,” I groan. “I was so embarrassed when you told me it was him.”

“But think of how embarrassing it would have been if you had recognized him at work!” she laughs with me.

“Yeah, that would have been awkward!” I cringe. “So what do you think about me dating him? Would you do it?”

“I don't know him at all, but by the way you two looked at each other on Thursday, I'd say go for it!”

“Yes, that's what I want to, but I mean about mixing my work and private life,” I clarify. Even though I've made my decision, I want my best friend’s opinion on this. 

“Jasper, you've already gone out on a date with him,” she begins. 

“It was actually in his apartment,” I specify. 

“Yeah, well, since it wasn't him that was your patient, and it was a year ago, I can't see any problems with it.” She gets up and hugs me, “You're always such a worrier. Now tell me about him!”

The rest of the morning flies by, as we make ourselves a proper breakfast and talk more about my date, and mostly about their pregnancy. When they're by the door, ready to go home, Alice encourages me to ask Edward to be my date for their housewarming party if our second date goes well. 

– O – 

The next week is filled with three night shifts and a day shift on Saturday that I've traded in so I have the next weekend off for Alice and Seth's party. Saturday night I'm so tired, my body doesn't know if it's night or day, and I fall asleep at nine p.m. completely exhausted.

Waking up on Sunday morning, I feel rested and more like myself again. I've tried not to think too much about the upcoming date with Edward the whole week, and work's been so demanding, that it's only as I lie in bed three hours before we're to meet again, that I feel the butterflies creep up on me. 

We've talked on the phone and texted back and forth a few times during the week though, just short messages and questions. Edward seems a straightforward guy, with no nonsense or hidden meanings in what he says, and I'm glad about that because I've had my fair share of boyfriends that were drama queens. I prefer down-to-earth guys like Edward. 

I've been thinking a lot about Edward's back tattoo and wondering if there is a specific meaning to what looked like angry marks. I'd put a lot of thought into my own tattoos, and nothing I have on me is without meaning behind it. My sleeves are full on both arms, and it has cost me a lot of time and money over the years, but it's been worth it. Sometimes I get comments from patients on them, but more often, I get comments on being a male nurse, as if guys are only supposed to want to work in anesthesia or the mental health field - places filled with action.

Taking a long, warm shower, my thoughts turn to the kiss Edward gave me, the way he smelled and felt when we were so close to each other, and my dick remembers it as fondly as it has all week. Grabbing some body wash, I loosely fist it and feel myself growing harder, imagining the warmth and smoothness is Edward's mouth sucking me as he looks up at me with those eyes of his. 

Pumping faster and faster, tugging at my balls I feel them draw up and I groan as my come paints the tiles in my shower. It's such a long time since I've had someone else's hands on me, and I rest my head at the wall as my breathing slows down to normal. Edward gets me so worked up. It was probably a good thing that I've come shortly before I'm going to sit in front of him in a public place, watching him open his mouth around the fork and see those lips licked by his red tongue. 

– O – 

When I get the address from Edward this time, I know where I'm going. It's an Italian restaurant I've been to a few times, not too fancy, but with great food. 

Edward is already seated when I get there five minutes late, and the moment I'm inside the door, I feel the weight of his gaze upon me. My normal impulse would be to give him a greeting hug, but he doesn't get up when I approach him, he just watches me with his intense look and I'm too nervous to take the initiative. Sitting down, I feel a little calmer with the table between us, but I feel my right leg begin to shake and I have to straighten it out to make it stop. 

“Hello, Jasper. It's nice to see you again,” his deep voice washes over me and I almost can't believe the effect he has on me, but I manage to greet him back. 

“How is Alice?” he asks me. My best friend’s pregnancy was one of the first things I told him in our conversation this week. 

“She's fine. She's asked me to come with her and Seth for their next ultrasound, and I can't wait to hear the baby's heartbeat,” I tell him enthusiastically. 

He smiles warmly at me, “You seem to be very close to her?”

“Yes, she's been my best friend since college and we've been through a lot together. Now that she's having a baby with Seth, I'm very happy for her. I hope to be the baby's favorite uncle,” I tell him, beaming with pride. I can't wait to hold the little one in my arms. I know I'll feel like family. 

I look up at Edward and see his eyes shining at me with warmth. I guess he knows very well what I'm talking about. He takes my hand over the table and squeezes it, “I'm sure you'll be perfect!”

I feel the warmth from his hand and his thumb caressing my palm. Just this little closeness from him, makes my skin tingle and I realize how easily he made me relax in his presence. Being a police officer, I guess he knows how to make people feel at ease and get them to talk.

“She wanted me to ask you if you want to come with me to their housewarming party next weekend. You can bring friends if you want to, she said,” I tell him, hoping he'll agree to come. 

His leg shifts under the table and leans against my outstretched one. “I'd love to come, Jasper. Please tell her I say thank you for inviting me.”

We eat and talk all afternoon and when we're finished, he follows me to my car outside where I lean against it, feeling as relaxed with him as if I've known him for a long time. When he finally kisses me again, it feels so natural and I wonder if I'll be bold enough to ask him to come home with me, but he pulls away and ends our second date in a perfect way, by saying he'll think of me, and we'll talk during the week.


	6. Chapter 6

Saturday night, I take a cab over to Edward's place to pick him up on our way to Alice's. I'd sent him a text when I left and as I'm approaching his street, my pulse speeds up in anticipation. He's standing outside his apartment waiting for me with a bag in his hand and I can't wait for him to get in the car. As soon as the car comes to a halt, I open the door and get out to greet him. Standing before him, I'm breathless and shivering, despite my warm ride over here.

“Hey,” he whispers, leaning into me and smiling as he does to me in my dreams. He places his hand behind my neck, gently pulling me further against him, and then he kisses me. It's just a soft peck on the lips, and over all too quickly for my liking. He pulls away and we have to get into the cab when the cab driver honks the horn. 

We share the back seat with a peace lily I've bought as a housewarming gift from the two of us. Initially, I wanted to give them one that was big enough to stand on the floor, but I asked the sales woman if the plant was poisonous, and she didn't know. I didn't want to take any risks with Alice's baby possibly tasting it when he or she started moving around, so I bought them one to stand on their windowsill instead.

“I thought the name fitted as a gift from us,” I tell him, and he smiles at me. 

“Well, the Lily I've had at home this week hasn't been very peaceful, I'll tell you,” he laughingly tells me. “The way she answers me sometimes drives me nuts, she can be playing and doing her own thing, but she's very observant and she picks up on every detail. When she hears a new phrase, you can be sure that she finds a way to use it naturally the next time she talks to you.”

I'm laughing with him, but I think she sounds like a really sweet and smart kid. I can't imagine someone like her driving me nuts, but then again, I've never lived with a child.

“Does she like books?” I ask him. 

“Oh yes, she loves books, to be read to or to read herself. At the moment, she's very into non-fiction books about animals, and I've been planning to take her to the zoo again soon.”

When we reach the apartment building, I go up the stairs ahead of him, carrying the plant then step aside to let Edward ring their bell. Alice opens the door letting us in. “Hey you guys,” she says and proceeds to hug a stunned Edward. 

“Hey Alice,” I say, kissing her cheek. “This is a house warming gift from Edward and me. I'll just place it on your windowsill for you.” 

When I return to them, Alice is talking to Edward. “I'm pleased to meet you properly. You two should go and get something to eat, before Seth's friends eat it all,” she laughs. 

I show Edward where to place the two bottles of wine he brought with him. As we're making our way through the crowd, I notice that I know most of the guests here. The unfamiliar faces must only be acquaintances of Seth, because I know all of his closest friends by now. Edward takes my hand as he tags along on our way to the food table, and I can't stop smiling as I introduce him as my date to everybody we talk to. 

Getting plates of food and drinks, we sit in the sofa talking to each other and to friends as we eat. Edward is just coming back from refilling our drinks, when I look up and see Jacob standing in the doorway giving a gift to Seth. He looks around the room, nodding and waving to several, but frowns when he sees me sitting there beside Edward. 

“Oh shit,” I whisper to myself. Too late, I realize I should have prepared better for this moment. These last two weeks I've felt the need for some space away from Jacob and he hasn't tried contacting me either. I haven't thought about telling him that I was bringing Edward as my date tonight. Even if he hurt me, he's been a good friend to me this last year, and I feel bad for stepping on his feelings like this. 

I look over at Edward where he's engaged in talking to some guy I don't know to see if he noticed my reaction to seeing Jacob. Without breaking the conversation, he leans backwards on the sofa and puts his arm around me, marking his territory. Well, I guess his daughter got the ability to observe and pick up every detail from him. 

– O – 

Jacob isn't anywhere to be seen after that. Alice says he didn't feel very well and had to go home suddenly, and I tell her how bad I feel about showing up with Edward as my date in his face like that, but she reassures me Jacob is not my responsibility, and that she'll make sure Seth talks to him tomorrow. 

The rest of the night is fun, talking with friends, and with Edward by my side at all times. He has a great, quiet sense of humor, but most important of all, he's very intelligent. He only opens his mouth when he has something real to say. If I hadn't been attracted to him already, he would have seduced me with his intellect. 

I talk animatedly to a friend while his hand is drawing lazy circles on my back giving me goose bumps all over my body. I try to continue the conversation, but can't for the life of me remember what I wanted to say. I look up at Edward. He's staring intensely at me and without breaking our eye contact, says softly, “I think it's time to say goodbye to Alice and Seth now.” I swallow thickly and can only nod. 

As we stand outside waiting for our cab, Edward steps up behind me folding his hands around my stomach and I sink into him, leaning my head on his shoulder and turn my face to his neck, breathing him in deeply. It feels so good having him hold me and I snuggle as close to him as possible. Edward asks me if I'm tired, but I shake my head. Even if it's getting late, I don't feel tired at all. Maybe my body just thinks I'm on a night shift, or it could be that I feel wide awake having Edward around. 

The instant we're seated in the cab, his warm hand is on my thigh, stoking up and down. He slips to the inside and all I can do is press my lips together to stop myself moaning aloud for the cabdriver to hear. I lean against him, pressing my mouth to his neck and brushing my lips against his soft skin, back and forth. The cab comes to a halt, and it takes a few seconds for me to realize we're already outside his apartment building.

“Do you want to come upstairs?” Edward whispers in my ear, his hot breath washing over me, sending shivers down my side. “Yeah,” I breathe out. 

Upstairs, we take off our shoes and jackets, not saying a word. Edward goes into the kitchen, offers me a glass of water, and when we're finished drinking, he takes my hand and leads me to one of the closed doors in the entryway. My heart is pounding and my hands are shaking as he opens the door revealing his tidy bedroom. It smells good in here, just like him, and I take a deep breath trying to let the smell calm me down. 

He goes over to his bed and sits down, his knees wide apart, and beckons me over with his finger, his eyes intense. I walk over to him slowly, unsure, and stand between his legs where he puts his arms on my hips. His voice is low and soothing, as if he's trying to calm an animal, “There is no need to be nervous, Jasper. We'll only do what you're comfortable with.”

“Yeah, okay,” I answer him, giving a little shaky laugh. “I just can't help this feeling.” 

He pats the bed in front of him, “I want you to sit down here, between my legs.” I start to kneel before him. “No, I mean, with your back to me,” he corrects.

“Oh, okay. Sorry,” Slipping down on the floor in front of him, I'm wondering what he's going to do. 

Tugging at my shirt, he asks, “Can you take this off?” I begin unbuttoning my shirt. “All of it, please.”

I feel a little exposed with my upper body naked in front of him but I soon stop caring about that when his warm hands meets my bare skin, slowly making circles on my shoulders. Stroking up and down my arms, his hands settles on my shoulders, where he starts massaging my tight muscles. 

Sighing, my head falls backwards against him, and his right arm strokes down over my chest, feeling its way over my skin and it feels so good. When he brushes by my nipple ring, it sends sparks down to my groin where my dick is slowly filling up. Turning my head against his chest, his lips seek out mine and a low moan slips out of me into his mouth. 

To kiss him properly, I have to break our connection and get up. He takes my hand, “Come sit here in my lap.” I move to straddle his thighs and put my arms around his neck, combing my fingers into his soft hair. Looking down into his eyes, his pupils are dilated in the dim light. 

“That feels so good,” he breathes, making me do it more firmly by pressing my fingertips into the back of his head and move them around in lazy circles. His eyes roll back into his head, a low moan rumbles in his throat that sends shivers up my spine and I attack him with my mouth, kissing him deeply. 

Falling back on his bed, we're still kissing with me on top of him. He grabs my upper arms, turning us so he's the one on top, and starts unbuttoning my jeans with one hand. “These needs to be off!” he growls. He sits up to pull them down as I lift up my hips to help him.

“I need to feel you too,” I breathe out, tugging at his clothing as I lay there in only my briefs. He pulls off his shirt and t-shirt, and once they’re off, he's hovering over me again kissing my neck hard, his hand stroking down my chest. Finally, I can touch his skin and I stroke over his shoulders, down his back, up and down as he attacks my neck, kissing and biting his way up to my ear, tugging at my lobe with his teeth making me buck up against him. 

His hands roam all over me, his mouth, hair and stubble follow his fingers, and then he stops when he gets down to my briefs, looking up at me, “Do you want me to stop here?”

“No, please!” I say, my voice cracking at the end. His heavy-lidded eyes never leaving mine, he slowly lets his fingers follow my hard cock over the cotton covering it, and my heart is racing. “Oh yeah,” I moan as he slowly crawls backwards, letting his nose follow where his fingers just were, up and down, deeply breathing in my scent, and letting me feel his hot breath through the fabric. It's so warm and erotic, I have trouble keeping my hips still.

His long fingers slip under the elastic in the front of my briefs, pulling them over the tip of my cock, making it peek out. He's staring down at it as he slowly pulls my briefs all the way off and tosses them aside. Then he breathes warm air on my balls and licks his way up, up until he reaches my slit where he stops and slowly laps up the drop that's formed at the tip. “Mm,” he smacks his lips. “Delicious. I can't wait to taste your come.”

“Oh yes, please,” I groan.

His voice is hoarse when he asks me, “What do you want, Jasper?”

“I want to come in your mouth,” I gasp. “Please!” I'm desperate for more of him, his hands, his mouth, anything. I would gladly make myself come with my own hand right now, as I've done the last years, and I would come so hard with him watching me.

Then his hand is around my cock, steadying it from its twitching and he makes the tip wet and shiny with his spit and my pre-come mingling before he takes me in as far as he can down his throat, hollowing his cheeks on his way up, sucking hard and staring up at me. 

My back arcs and I press my head into the pillow, “Oh, fucking hell!” It feels like all of the blood in my body fills up in my dick right now, making me lightheaded and dizzy. He's sucking up and down faster and faster. I really want to watch what he's doing to me, but all I can do is clutch the pillow under my head and try to hold back the rush in my stomach that threatens to put a stop to this feeling. When his hand squeezes my balls and lightly pulls them, I can't hold back my orgasm any longer, and come hard into his mouth, prolonged by his hand tugging my balls. 

When I'm finally able to let my muscles relax, I become aware that my mouth is wide open in a silent cry and I look up to see Edward smiling smugly down at me. “Looks like you really needed that,” he laughs. 

I feel my cheeks warm with embarrassment. “Yeah, I guess I did,” I mumble back. He's still in jeans, and here I lie, naked and sated like I've never had a blowjob in my life. 

“Aww, don't be embarrassed, Jasper! You're cute, but there is no need to be shy around me. The fact that you came like a fifteen year old watching porn for the first time, only tells me that you really want me.” He's smiling at me and I can't help but smile back. 

I decide that he's right and tell him honestly, “Oh, I want you, all right!”

His face becomes intense again as he kneels by my leg, and his eyes roam from my knees, up over my body and up to my face. “I want you too,” he says lowly, his hand on the front of his jeans, stroking his bulge through the fabric. 

He pulls the zipper down, his hand slipping inside and takes out his hard cock that's pointing right at me. Tucking the elastic of his briefs under his balls, he tells me, “I want to come just like this, seeing you naked and spent here before me.” I feel his words hit me right in my upper stomach, making me gasp. My eyes roam over him from his face, his chest, arms and down to where his hand is – around his cock, slowly stroking from the middle to the tip, his foreskin alternately hiding the opening and revealing it, squeezing out the thin fluid that is already leaking. 

His long finger presses over his slit every time he strokes forward, his other hand holds around his balls where they meet his groin. I want to be the one touching him and make him come, but I'm mesmerized by the vision. It's the hottest thing I've ever seen.

“Come up here,” I whisper, patting my stomach. “I want you to come on me.” His jeans are in the way, but he manages to crawl up, so that he's right over my hips, and I can have my hands on his skin. He presses his fingertips on the underside of his balls, at the crease, making him pump faster and his breathing accelerates. We're both groaning and breathing hard when his upper body suddenly falls forward and his cock erupts long, white and clear threads over my chest. 

His face is right over mine, panting, and I pull him to my lips kissing him deeply as he's trying to catch his breath. “Fuck, that was hot,” I say into his mouth. 

“Yeah, I know.” He smiles, grabbing his shirt and wiping my chest and then his softening cock, before slipping it inside his briefs. 

“Do you want to stay over? It's getting very late.” He gets up. I guess he's not the cuddling type. 

I get up too, unsure of what to do, looking around for my clothes. He stops me with his fingers lightly on my chest, “Hey, I want you to stay, okay? I'm just going to use the bathroom for a minute.” He looks me in the eye, then he leans down and kisses me lightly.

I find my briefs and t-shirt, but stand toying with them still when he comes right back and takes them from me, “You don't need those. I want to be able to feel your skin.”

“Oh, okay,” I say quietly and slip under the covers he's holding up for me. 

He crawls in after me, lies on his back and fiddles with his cell. “I'm setting the alarm for nine a.m. I need to get up and collect Lily before twelve tomorrow. I can drive you home on my way there if you want me too.” 

He places his cell on his bedside table, slides his arm under my neck, and I snuggle closer to him. He places his other arm around me, hugging me tightly to him, and I get to cuddle with him after all.

– O – 

Back in my apartment, I have a long phone conversation with Alice where we get the chance to catch up on everything that's been happening to us lately. She reassures me that Seth's spent the afternoon with Jacob, and he seems fine. He just needs some time to adjust to the thought that we'll only ever be friends. I'm relieved that he took it well. I'd hate to lose him as a friend and it would be difficult to hang out with Alice and Seth if he hates me.

I'm sitting toying with my cell in the evening, thinking of a sending a message to Edward. He's home with Lily now, and I wonder what they're doing. I guess it's too early for her to be asleep yet, and I'm hoping Edward has time to talk to me later. Tomorrow I have an evening shift, and I'm not planning on getting to bed early tonight. 

My cell buzzes indicating a text and I smile thinking right away it's from Edward, but it's a message from my boss, Eleazar. Can I come to work one hour earlier tomorrow, he asks me. Something has been brought to his attention that we need to discuss. I nervously confirm the meeting, and wonder what this is all about. It's the first time he's sent me a message like this.


	7. Chapter 7

I toss and turn in my bed all night, thinking of what I could have done wrong at work that my boss needs to discuss with me. I barely get a couple of hours of restless sleep and am up by dawn despite the fact that I have the chance to sleep in today. I feel stressed and have a lump in my throat. I wish he had said which patient it's about then I could have thought back and come prepared to the meeting. 

Last night, all I could do was pace around, thinking of the poor patient to whom I could possibly have done something wrong. I come up with all kinds of scenarios and fear the worst. If this turns out to be something really bad, I don't think I'll be able to continue working as a nurse, even if I'm allowed to or not. I know that always thinking the worst and worrying is what I do and it usually doesn't help, but I can't stop the thoughts from running through my head.

In all my years of working as a registered nurse, I haven't had one complaint made against me nor made any serious mistakes, and that is partly because I'm always conscientious and careful to double-check the medications I give out and following procedures, but it's also luck. Our shifts can be so stressful. It's irresponsible that there aren't more nurses on call sometimes, and every person makes mistakes no matter how careful you are.

Calling Edward was out of the question after I got the text. I wanted to talk to him and tell him about my worries, but I don't know him well enough yet to lay this on him when I don't know exactly where we stand in our relationship. It was a best friend I needed, but Alice was on a night shift and would be sleeping all day today. 

I end up not getting anything done, just walking around my apartment in a haze, when I realize it's time to head in for the meeting and then work. 

– O – 

I'm on my way home from work late in the evening after one of the worst shifts I've ever had. Now that I can stop pulling myself together and focus on myself, all I feel is anger. My feet hurt, my head is pounding and I'm a mess. Just as I'm about to get into my car, my phone rings. I'm very tempted to let it ring, just drive home, eat and take a long hot bath to try to wash away the horrible feeling that I have, but it could be something important, so without checking whom the caller is I snap into the phone, “Yes?” 

“Well, hello to you too,” I hear Edward's deep, smooth voice answer. Oh, no, I don't think I can pretend to him that nothing is wrong. The happy feeling I get when I hear his voice is too much for me, and I end up pressing my lips hard together and press the hang-up button. My hands shakes and I'm trembling all over. Far away, I hear my phone ringing but I can't do anything else other than concentrate on breathing deep breaths slowly in and out. 

I must have sat in my cold car for a long time when suddenly there is a tap at the window. My head snaps up and the door opens to reveal Edward.

“What is wrong, Jasper?” he says, his voice a bit higher than usual. I don't think I'm able to speak to him yet, but I'm so relieved to see him that I don't think about asking him how he found me. 

“Come out here,” he says. “I need to take a look at you.” He takes my hand and helps me get out of the car, my knees are unwilling and my legs stiff.

He hunches down and looks up at my face with his hand on my shoulder. “Hey,” he says softly. “I need you to tell me what's wrong. Is it your car?” I shake my head. “Did something happen at work?” 

I still shake my head, but clear my throat and croak, “No, I just want to go home, please.”

“Okay,” he says. “You will have to leave your car here and pick it up in the morning; you’re not fit to drive. Lock it up and I'll take you home.”

I don't say anything on our way over to my apartment, other than my address. I just sit and stare out of the window, and he doesn't press me. 

He follows me upstairs and inside. I leave my jacket and shoes where they fall and he picks them up after me and follows me into my bedroom. I'm too worn out to care about anything other than lying down and he silently helps me take off my clothes and tucks me under the covers. He climbs in beside me, lying over the covers fully dressed, and spoons me with his arms tight around me. Slowly my tense muscles start to relax and I sigh deeply, snuggling as close as I can get to him. 

“Are you ready to tell me now before you fall asleep?” he whispers. “I don't know if I'll be able to sleep much tonight if you don't tell me what happened, Jasper.” 

Taking a deep breath, I start at the beginning. “I was called into an emergency meeting with my boss today before work. He sent me a message last night, and I haven't been able to think about anything else since then. I haven't slept and eaten almost nothing today just worrying about what I could have done wrong.” He doesn't say anything, just strokes my hair, and I turn to lie on my back, looking up at the ceiling. 

Now that I have started, the words just flood out of me. “I was a complete mess when I showed up, and thought I had killed a patient or something, but then I saw that the meeting was only between my boss and me. I would have thought there would be more people there if it was something so serious, but I also understood right away that it was something that only I had done wrong. This was very serious, as I think you understand. As nurses, we often work in life and death situations, without enough staff on shifts and just a little slip can cause serious harm to helpless people. Even though most of us do the very best we can, there is always a potential risk that we can do something wrong, and we can lose our license and not be able to work anymore, or we can even go to jail.”

“Yeah, I know, Jasper,” he says soothingly, as I am really worked up and agitated. 

“Okay, so I'm thinking the worst thing, and then he says there has been an anonymous tip that I'm involved with one of my patients, and that he takes this very seriously.” I hear Edward gasp, and look over at him. “Yeah, I was too shocked to say anything for a long time. I had all these questions in my head, but all I could feel was anger. Here I'd thought I had harmed a poor patient, would lose my job and I don't know what else, and then it turns out to be something like this!”

Edward is frowning and seems deep in thought. We're both quiet for a while, then I say, “I explained the situation to him, that you hadn't been my patient, it was your father, and that we hadn't started dating until a year after he was admitted here. Eleazar was very relieved and said that I hadn't done anything wrong, and there wouldn't be any case because of this.”

“Right after the meeting was over, I had to keep myself together and work my shift, but when I left, I felt like the air went out of the balloon, so to speak. All I can feel now is anger against the person who sent the tip, and that I had to worry so much for nothing!” I sit up in bed, and swing my legs down on the floor. 

Edward rises too, and tells me, “You go take a shower. I'm going to fix you something to eat. Meet me in the kitchen when you're ready.”

We sit by the kitchen table. I eat with Edward watching me, his head resting in his hands. I feel famished and eat everything up within minutes. “I can't see any problems with the two of us dating. The thought that it could be a problem hasn't crossed my mind,” he says.

“I thought about it after you got my phone number,” I admit. “Well, it was actually after I talked to Jacob, that I began to see the potential ethical issue, but then I discovered his ulterior motive, and decided to follow my heart.” I blush a little at my admission and he takes my hand resting on the table, and strokes it. 

“Later, I talked to Alice about this, and she reassured me that I had come to the right conclusion. And I'm certain I have.” Both of us sit in silence for a long time, before I say, “But who is the informer though - that I would like to know - and what would the point be?”

“Who is Jacob?” Edward asks me, his tone very casual, looking out the window into the dark street below.

I don't have to hide Jacob from Edward, but if I want to keep Jacob as a friend and continue dating Edward, something tells me that Edward won't be as forgiving as me, and I need to tone down Jacob's efforts on keeping us apart.

“Stop biting your lip, Jasper. Just tell me the truth,” he says demanding. Argh, how am I ever going to be able to keep anything to myself around Edward? 

He straightens up in the chair. “You forget that I'm a detective, I think,” he says, winking at me. 

“Ah, I know, I wouldn't last five minutes in the same room as you,” I laugh. 

“I think we already proved the correctness of that statement on Friday,” he backfires, staring hard at me with dark eyes. Fuck me. His words go straight to my groin, and I swallow hard, not able to look away from him. 

“Jasper!” he commands. “Tell me who Jacob is!” 

I shake my head, trying to get out of this stupor.

“You've seen him before, two or three times. He was with us both of the times we met at the club. I don't know if you saw him the first time, I was too drunk to remember, and the last time was when he came to Alice and Seth's housewarming party. I'm not sure if you noticed him. He's tall, brown eyes and dark hair. He's Seth's best friend, and he's been a good friend of mine this past year. Now I don't know where we stand, to be honest.”

Edward has a frown on his forehead. “Yes, I remember him well from those three times. He's been shooting daggers at me constantly. Is he just a very protective friend, or is he anything more, I wonder?”

We sit in silence, thinking, and then Edward asks, “You said you discovered he had an ulterior motive. What was that?”

I have to tell Edward everything. “He said he's in love with me. I turned him down, of course. I only like him as a friend.”

“Well, that's good to know.” He smiles warmly at me, takes my hand lying on top of the table and threads his fingers between mine. 

“Look, it's getting very late and I have Lily sleeping at home with Emmett watching her. He's waiting for me to come back home and you need to get some much-needed sleep. We'll talk more tomorrow.” He gets up and I follow him out to the front door where he stops with his hand on the handle. “I think you should call Jacob and see if he wants to meet with you. Ask him if you can go over to his place and hang out, or something. Talk to him friendly and try to find out if it could have been him. I would do it myself if I knew him.”

“Oh, no, do you think it could have been him? He said he loved me - he wouldn't try to hurt me!” I say. I can't believe a friend would try to make me lose my job.

“We can't know if it was him or not, unless you make him confess. I don't think he will just tell you to your face.”

“I'll try to do it, but I think he'll see right through me if I pretend to be nice. He's really smart and used to dealing with people, kind of like you actually. He's a doctor in the ER.”

He cups my cheek in his hand. “Jasper, you're smart too, don't you know that? And you're very much used to dealing with people. You don't have to pretend for him. You like him as a friend, you said. He might just be your friend, we don't know for sure if he's the informer.”

– O – 

Friday afternoon, I'm on my way over to Jacob's under the pretense of seeing a movie. At first, he was surprised when I called him and asked him if I could come over, but before we hung up, he sounded very happy and hopeful. Pressing the bell, I have a bad feeling in my stomach, and it only gets worse when Jacob has a big smile on his face, hugs me and tells me he's missed me.

“I've missed you too,” I say, and that's the truth. I love him as a friend, and I miss us hanging out. 

“Come in! I've made pizza. Oh, and I have beer, just the kind I know you like!” He's so enthusiastic, and I can't help but get affected by it. He’s only missing the wagging tail and I almost feel the need to pet his head.

We eat and make small talk about what we've done lately, neither of us mentioning Edward or the incident at Alice's party. We settle down to watch the movie. I feel very relaxed, put my feet up on the table as he does and look forward to seeing it, when he pats my thigh and asks me, “So, you've broke up with this guy, then? Edward, was it?”

I stiffen immediately and he slowly pulls away his hand. “Why would you say that?” I ask him softly. 

“No reason,” he says quickly. “I've already told you I don't think he's good for you. I don't like him and I would hate to see you hurt.”

“Well, it's not Edward who's hurt me lately. It's this anonymous informer at work who made me have a panic attack, nearly a heart attack and I don't know what. I almost lost my job and my nurse’s license!” 

Jacob looks flabbergasted. 

“Lose your nurses license?” he repeats after me. “But I thought you would break up with Edward to keep your work!” 

I stare at him in shock. 

A second later, he slams his hand over his mouth, his eyes huge. 

I jump up and almost want to hit him in the face. “What?” I yell. “It was you? What the hell, Jacob, what were you thinking?” I fist my hands and press them into my thighs to keep them from connecting with my betraying ex-friend. 

He doesn't answer me, just stares up at me with tears in his eyes and I continue yelling at him, “I thought you were my friend, Jacob! Friends don't do stuff like that to each other. This could have cost me my job if Eleazar hadn't believed me! How was I going to pay my bills then? Come to live with you here - was that what you where hoping? I came here tonight, refusing to believe that Edward could have the right hunch, feeling bad that I accused my friend of being an anonymous, lying informer. And it was you!” I'm so angry that I don't know what to do with myself when Jacob stands up. 

“I didn't lie! I only said the truth in the e-mail! When his father was dying at the hospital, didn't you take care of his family also? Didn't you try to comfort him in some way?” His words feel like a punch in the stomach, because they're true to some extent. When I sat down in the hospital, drank coffee and read the newspaper beside Edward, I did it because I felt that it was a part of my job to sit there and be available to him if he wanted to talk about his grief. 

I almost feel like crying over all this mess and I drop down into the couch and put my face in my hands. Jacob slowly sits down beside me, and pats my back softly. “You know, there is no real harm done? You didn't lose your job, and if you feel it's morally irresponsible of you to be with Edward, you still have me.” 

His words make me come out of my temporary stupor. My hand finally connects with his backstabbing face and he caresses his cheek as I look down at him in shock. 

“How can you? You say you care about me, but you try to lure me into your net. You did a lot of harm. I was beside myself with anxiety after I had the meeting. I could have made a patient suffer or done something else wrong at work because of it. I had the worst shift of my life, trying to take care of my patients when my head was elsewhere and I had a panic attack in my car in the parking lot after my shift ended. Edward had to come to find me and take me home. I was shaking so badly that I wasn't able to drive!”

I hastily walk to the front door and grab my jacket. “You are not my friend anymore, Jacob Black. Friends don't do this kind of thing to each other!” I yell and slam the door in his face. I run down the stairs and just start walking in one direction. A couple of blocks later, I stop and call Edward and he picks up on the first ring. 

“Hello, Jasper. How did it go?”

“It went to shit!” I say, but pull myself together. “Sorry. It didn't go very well. It was Jacob who sent an anonymous e-mail to my boss. I'm sorry I didn't believe you,” I say.

“I didn't know for sure it was him, Jasper. You did the right thing and believed he was innocent until proven guilty. So, where are you now? Do you want me to come to pick you up? Lily is staying the night over at Bella's.”

“Yes, please. That would be great!” I tell him. My heart starts to beat a little faster at the thought of seeing him. 

In the car, I tell him what Jacob said to me and that I'm done being his friend. “I'm glad you found out who the informer was, but I'm sorry you've lost a friend in the process,” he says.

“Yeah, well I don't think he's worth anymore of my energy, so from now on I'm going to stop thinking about him. I will have to talk to Alice about him though. She'll be wondering why we're not friends anymore, and I don't know what lies he'll tell Seth about me, so I'll have to tell her everything. Argh, I hate drama like this!” Edward puts his hand on my thigh, and eventually I calm down.

When we're up in his apartment, he offers, “Do you want to go down to the basement and hit my boxing bag to get out some of that aggression? It usually helps me calm down.”

However, I shake my head, “No, I think it's getting too late and I'm too worn out.” I glance up at him. “Maybe you could just hold me for a bit?”

Edward smiles at me, chuckling, “Aww, Jasper, you're such a lover, not a fighter.”

He leads me into his bedroom and stops in front of me, his hand on my chest. “It's not really that late, is it? I know other ways to help you unwind, you know. I happen to know a trick or two,” he whispers to me, his breath washes over me. 

My breathing hitches. 

I stare up into the eyes looking hungrily down at me and I swallow hard. 

“Yes, please, show me one of your tricks,” I whisper back.


	8. Chapter 8

“Just one of them, huh? That's a tough one.” He grabs my shirt in his fist, holds me to him so I have to stand on my toes and with my arms hanging down my sides I fall against him.

“I don't know what kind of things you like yet and I have so many I want to do to you,” he growls at me and then it's just him and me - the last humans left on the planet - and everything else ceases to matter. 

My head is buzzing and all I see is him. “You can do whatever you want,” I gasp out as if in one word. “I trust you.” 

Groaning, he lets go of my shirt, takes a step back and pulls his hair, “Ah, Jasper, you can't give me that kind of control. Do you have any idea how much I want you? I just want to throw you down on my bed and fuck you right now. I'm trying so hard to follow your lead here and take this as slowly as you need, but you're seriously testing my restraint when you say things like that.”

“Why do you think you have to restrain yourself with me?” I take a step towards him and place my hand flat on his chest. I feel his heart beating fast under my fingers, and whisper to him, “Why can't you have that much control?” I gaze up into his eyes, they're huge and vulnerable.

He doesn't say anything; he just stares at me for a long time, his eyes flicking between mine.

“I want you to be yourself around me,” I whisper. “I want to know the real you, not someone who holds back.” He's just looking at me intensely and I need to ask him, “What are you afraid of, Edward?” My voice is just a whisper. 

He sighs heavily and closes his eyes, and I wait for what feels like a long time for him to say something. 

I'm wondering what he's thinking when suddenly he asks in a low voice, “Can I kiss you now, Jasper?” And I know I won't get any answers now. 

“Yes, please.” 

He leans in and rests his forehead against mine. I put my arms around his shoulders and brush my lips against his soft ones. I kiss his cheeks with feather-like kisses, up to his eyelids and down to his mouth again, whispering, “I like you so much, Edward. I want to be with you tonight. I want to feel your skin against mine, all over. I want you.”

He sighs into my mouth, “Jasper, I want you too. So much!” 

I part my lips immediately feeling his tongue, soft and wet, licking my lips and sliding against my own. We hum into each other, and I love the feeling of his face against mine. He holds me at my sides, stroking me up and down and I press myself closer to him, kissing him deeper and soon we're both out of breath and I need to break the kiss to breathe. He attacks my neck instead, kissing hard and nibbling on my skin up to my ear, where he licks my earlobe and bites it carefully. “Ah!” I moan. “I like that.”

“What?” he breathes, looking up at me. His face is all flushed and his pupils are big and dilated. 

“You said you didn't know yet what kind of things I like. So I'm teaching you,” I explain. “More please.” I offer him my neck and he doesn't need to be asked twice, kissing down to my shirt and starts unbuttoning it hurriedly. I do the same to his, racing down to the end and am the first to finish. I smile up at him. “This time I want you completely naked. There is no jerking yourself off with your jeans on on today's program. You got that?”

He chuckles softly. “Yes, sir! No jerking off and no jeans. Got it.” He slides his hand over the front of my pants, over my hard bulge and rubs firmly right where I want it. “But what about jerking you off? Can I do that?” His voice is seductively smooth. 

“Yes, that is definitely on today's program,” I mutter, already having the picture in my head of my cock in his hand. “Oh, fuck, I need us to get out of these clothes!” I start unbuckling his belt and he rips my t-shirt off. His hands go straight to my nipples where he tugs at the rings, sending sparks south and making me groan.

I finally manage to open his jeans completely and let them fall down to his knees where he steps out of them. I get rid of my own jeans and throw them aside where they land on top of his. We're flush against each other immediately and his mouth is on mine in an instant, kissing deeply but I rush to break our contact while I still have my wits with me, “Wait, I need this off too,” I pant, pulling at his t-shirt. He takes it off himself and throws it somewhere. 

Finally, we're skin against skin and I love it. I rub myself against him, feeling his chest and stomach against mine. He holds one arm around my neck, kissing me and I stroke my hands down his back to his briefs where I slide my hands underneath it and fondle his ass cheeks. They feel just as good as they look in his jeans. 

We rub our cocks together, only separated by thin fabric. “I want to feel you in my hand,” I gasp into his mouth and slide my hands from his backside to the front where it's all warmth and soft skin. His now too tight briefs hold down his cock sideways and I grasp him in my hand, feeling him pulse and grow even more, as I slowly and gently start rubbing the slit where he's most sensitive. He moans into my mouth and bucks in my hand, seeking more friction, and I press my own hard cock against his hip. 

“What do you want?” I turn my head to whisper in his ear. “What do you want us to do? You can have anything you want, I'm yours.”

He gazes down at me, his eyes hungry. “I told you there are so many things I want to do to you. What do you want?” 

He seems unsure when he has me in his bedroom this time, like he needs me to take control, and I can do that for him, if that's what he needs. “I want to know how you taste,” I answer him truthfully still pumping him in my hand. “I'd like to take you in my mouth and make you come on my tongue. I want to know your flavor for when I'm all alone in my bed.”

“Jesus Christ, Jasper!” he groans. “You really have thought about that, haven't you?” I nod, because I'm telling him the truth. 

“Oh, fuck, I need to remember to ask you what you want again, because I want that too.” He bucks into my hand, and he feels so good, all hard and soft at once. I can't wait to inspect him closer. 

I place my hand on his chest, making him retreat until the end of his bed stops him. I hook my thumbs under the string of his briefs and crouch down in front of him, slowly pulling him free of his last item of clothing. When his cock springs free and bounces up right before my face, I let go of the breath I was holding in anticipation. 

“Please sit down.” My voice is hoarse and wanting. He hastily sits down; his gaze follows my every movement as I reach for a pillow to place under my knees. “I want to sit comfortably,” I explain, looking up at his face. “I want to take my time with you.”

“Fuck, Jasper. I don't think I'm able to last that long for your knees to start hurting,” he groans. 

I start stroking his thighs and mumble, “We'll see.” 

He leans back on his hands and gives me more room to explore him. I stroke up to his groin, trace his balls with my fingers making them contract and his cock jerks up, pointing right at me with the head halfway covered by his foreskin. 

I grasp him in my hand, lean down tracing his balls with my nose and experimentally suck one of them into my mouth. I let it go and stick out my tongue and lick the thick vein on the underside of his cock all the way up to the top, placing a light kiss there. I hear Edward breathing heavily as I slowly roll his foreskin down, revealing him completely to me. He smells so good, making my mouth water at the sight, and when I lick my lips involuntary, I hear him gulp and swallow hard.

Sticking out my tongue, I lick all around the head, moaning when I taste his pre-come at the tip. He hisses when I engulf the head of his cock into my mouth, sucking lightly on it and lick slowly up before taking his shaft fully into my mouth, as far as he goes. Up and down, I suck him slowly, getting it nice and wet and when I release his dick and grasp him in my hand to steady him against my lip, a line of spit and pre-come forms from his opening to my lip. I look up at his face and see if he likes what I'm doing to him. His eyes are intense and huge, his nostrils flaring as he breathes hard through his nose, and his jaw is pressed hard together, as if he's trying very hard to hold himself back. 

“Mm, do you like that, Edward?” I ask him even though I can see that he does. I lick the slit and blow warm air on his most sensitive skin and stare up at him, and then suddenly his self-inflicted restraint snaps. 

Flipping me so I'm underneath him before I realize it, he pins my arms down hard over my head and growls down at me, “You did that on purpose, you teasing little grrr.”

He's taken full control again, and even if a moment ago I was prepared to set the pace tonight, I love it when he pins me down, making me breathless with his legs and weight, having me fully at his mercy. I buck my hips up against him as much as I manage again and again, I can't help it. Every cell in my body is on fire, my head buzzing and I moan, “Oh, fuck, oh, fuck!” over and over. I almost come in my briefs when one of his hands leaves my pinned down ones and he cups my balls and squeezes them. “Ahhh! Edward, I need to come! Oh, fuck, I need you!”

“Not so tough anymore, are you now, Jasper?” His eyes have a wicked gleam in them. His hand is inside my briefs, grasping my cock and pumping it and he's so hot and I want him anyway I can.

“Please!” I whine. His mouth is so hard on my neck, I'm sure I'll have bruises tomorrow and it ignites a fire low in my abdomen, and I gasp, “Oh, God, Edward. I'm gonna come!” 

But he snaps his hand away from where I want it. “Oh, no, you don't! You're not coming until I'm buried deep inside you. I'm gonna fuck you now, Jasper, and I sure as hell hope you meant it when you said you wanted it!”

Oh, I want it. I crave it! “Yes! Please, I want you inside my ass.”

I feel the loss of him as he stands up, his body long and glorious as he rummages through his nightstand drawer. He turns back to me, lube and a strip of foil packets in his hands, his cock jutting out in front of him and pointing to me like a compass. He's a man on a mission.

I've calmed down a degree or two, and as he kneels, I manage to tell him so there is no doubt in him that I want this, “Edward, I want you to fuck me. I need it.” I pull my briefs down, throwing them across the room. “How do you want me?”

“I want you on your knees with your hands on the headboard, holding on tight,” he commands. I do as he says and he's behind me right away, only pausing for a few seconds, and I'm panting in anticipation when I feel his slick, lubed fingers between my ass cheeks, probing and searching. “Fuck, you're tight. I need to take some time loosening you up,” he says, and I'm groaning with the feeling of his finger rubbing inside of me.

“More, Edward,” I buck against his hand giving my ass to him, for him to manipulate and he slips another finger or two inside, I don't know or care, my senses are on overload again. “I'm ready. I'm ready!” I chant. All I want in the world is to have his dick in me, rubbing me until I reach this goal I'm desperate for right now.

“Okay, I think you're ready too. Hold still for a moment, will you?” I turn my head and look at him. His eyes are fixed on my ass where he stands with his rubber-clad dick in his hand right behind me, and when I feel his fingers slip out and his cock replacing them, I concentrate hard on keeping completely still. I moan as the head slips inside and I feel him agonizingly slowly fill me completely. 

His hips begin to move and I can't keep still any longer and meet his thrusts hard, chanting, “Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck!”

He places his hands on top of mine on the headboard where I hold as tight as I can. I try to keep my orgasm at bay for as long as possible as he snaps his hips against me over and over, but when he takes my cock in his hand, beginning to stroke it to the rhythm of his thrusts, I can't hold it back any longer and my whole body tenses. 

“That's it, Jasper. Fucking come all over my bed. Right now!” he commands, and I do exactly as he says, moaning and shaking. No one has been able to make me come in such a frenzy before, and I hear him roar when he pushes me so hard into the headboard that I knock my head against it. My arms are unwilling to hold me up anymore, and I collapse in a heap over the come-stained pillows. 

He's halfway over me, his breathing heaving just like mine, and I start to chuckle. A mixed feeling spreads from my upper stomach around in my body; it’s happiness, fulfillment and hints of other things I can't place filling me. I can't stop smiling and turn awkwardly to face Edward to share the feeling with him, but his eyes are squeezed tight and his face is serious.

I reach my hand over, stroke his cheek softly and mumble, “Hey, what's wrong, Edward?” 

He places his hand over mine and opens his eyes. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that!” he's voice is full of sorrow.

I take my other hand and hold his head tightly to me. “What do you mean?”

“I shouldn't have treated you that way, like you're my toy. I should have kept myself together, I thought I could,” he whispers.

I don't understand what he thinks he did wrong. I loved every minute of it and I thought he would understand from my reaction. “I don't get it, Edward. I said you could have anything you want. Didn't you hear me moaning and begging? I wanted it as much as you did.”

He looks up at me. “Yeah, I guess I noticed that.” His eyes flicker with hope and a small smile forms on his lips, and I lean down to kiss them softly.

“What's bothering you, Edward?” I whisper to him, stroking his back with my fingertips and he hums deep in his throat, and finally confides in me. 

“It's the real reason why Sam left me. Or at least he said it was, but I don't think it was that simple.” He takes a pause to gather his thoughts, I presume. 

“Lily was just a little baby, and even though she slept most of the night, we were both sleep-deprived and in a haze most of the time. Little babies are hard work. Well, one day out of the blue he told me I couldn't satisfy him sexually, and that he was moving out.”

“I told him it was just fatigue we were experiencing, that it was clouding his judgment and our sex life at the moment. That everything would be better when things settled down at bit, but he wouldn't hear of it.” He turns his face away from mine, staring into the wall. “He said he never had been satisfied by me, that he hated my need to control him in the bedroom. He didn't want to be ordered around anymore and wanted someone who could satisfy his needs. He'd tried for a long time to like it, he said, but now realized that he never would, and that he only liked it when we made sweet love.” 

I don't say anything; only wait for him to continue when he's ready. “It's not like I need to be in control of everything in my life, but when it comes to sex, that is what turns me on and is my preference. So there you have it.” He stops talking.

“There's nothing wrong with you, Edward. You need to be the dominant one bed, that's all.” I reassure him. 

“I just couldn't believe that he could do that to me, or his daughter. Sam suggested we should try to have a baby. As you know that is a long and hard process. Why would he do that if he felt we had a bad sexual relationship? If he were having doubts about us, why would he want my child? Doesn't he realize that kids are the biggest commitment two people can give each other? Marriage is just a piece of paper, it's children that glues two people together.”

“All these years alone since Sam left, I’ve been very careful about who I take into my bedroom, not only because I want to protect Lily, but also because I'm afraid they'll turn me down when they see how I can behave in bed. You're the first one to come in here a second time. I need to be with someone that truly likes it when I take control, and that I can trust to tell me the truth.”

“Sam seems like an idiot to me. You two just weren't sexually compatible,” I tell him. “He should have told you right away what he liked, not pretended. I can't understand what good he could think that would do,” I say. 

We lie there and hold each other for a long time, and I drift into sleep. When I wake up the next day, the bed is empty and I hear sounds from the kitchen and smells that make my mouth water. So I follow my stomach to where Edward is. As I stand in the doorway, scratching my hair, he turns to me with a spatula in his hand and a large smile on his face, “How do you like your eggs, Jasper?”


	9. Chapter 9

On Saturday morning, Edward and I sit at his kitchen table and the sun is streaming down on our breakfast. It's so nice having someone to make small talk with while I sip my coffee. His leg nudges mine under the table, and I look up and see he wants to switch newspapers. He tells me about his work and his family, but mostly what he talks about revolves around Lily. She is his whole life, and I love hearing about her, asking him question after question. 

“I love kids,” I tell him with a sigh. “I've thought about working in a children's ward many times, but always end up deciding not to do it. I couldn't stand to see them hurt, and I know I couldn't be of any help to a dying kid. I simply wouldn't be able to pull myself together.” 

Edward smiles warmly at me and takes my hand that lies on the table, stroking it. “No, Jasper, I know you couldn't do that.”

Around noon, Edward tells me he needs to pick up Lily soon and he drives me home on his way there. When he stops by my apartment, he gets out of the car and leans relaxed against it. “I don't think I can wait too long before I get to see you again, Jasper.” 

My heart begins to race because I'm not ready to leave him at all, but I'm able to keep a calm surface, and answer him softly, “Okay. I'm working four-day shifts this week, Monday to Thursday. How does that work for you?”

He grabs my shirt and pulls me to him. “Tomorrow I want you to pack a bag with what you'll need for a few days and come over to my place at around 2 p.m. I need to drop Lily at Sam's, but I'll be home by then. You can stay as long as you want before I have to get her again next Sunday.”

I gasp surprised by his offer and he gets a worried frown on his forehead. “Don't you want to?” He strokes my arms.

I'm quick to reassure him. “Oh, yes, I want to,” I breathe. “I'm just surprised, that's all.”

He gazes down at me playfully. “I really like you and I think we proved last night that you and I are sexually compatible, so why not? Besides, I would love to have you in my bed every night for a whole week.”

– O – 

Inside my apartment, I immediately call Alice to talk to her about Edward and remember that I need to tell her about Jacob too, but she cuts me off and asks if I want to come over to spend the afternoon with Seth and her and eat dinner at their place. I'm really happy with that arrangement. It'll be much easier talking to both of them about Jacob at the same time, and I want Seth to hear the story directly from me.

The three of us sit around their coffee table, Seth and I drinking a beer. Alice's sipping an odd smelling tea she had just bought at the health food store. “How does it taste?” I ask her, looking over at Seth. He's wrinkling his nose. 

“Not too bad,” she exclaims happily. “The sales lady highly recommended it for early pregnancy. It's in the early weeks that the most important development happens, you know.”

I chuckle. “Yes, I had the same class as you in nursing school, don't you remember?” She throws a pillow at me, making me spill some beer on my pants.

Seth pats her knee. “She's a bit irritable these days,” he says and she huffs. 

“Completely understandable,” I tell them.

Groaning, Alice sets her cup down on the table. “This tastes like shit. I just can't drink it.”

“That's alright, sweetheart.” Seth kisses her cheek. 

“I'm just so worried, you know, that I did harm to my baby when I drank wine without knowing I was pregnant.” She pets her lower stomach. “I want to live as healthily as possible from now on, that is all I can do about it.” Then she adds, “But I can't drink that tea. I want coffee!” she whines. 

“Remember your doctor said it was fine to drink coffee, baby. I'll get you a cup,” Seth starts to rise, but I know Alice. 

“Just sit down, Seth,” I tell him. “I can promise you she won't drink coffee before that baby is out of her uterus.”

Then I tell them about what's happened to me since their housewarming party last weekend. I tell them about the meeting with my boss and how frightened I was, how Edward came to rescue me and his suspicion that the informer was Jacob and that I finally know to what lengths he went to keep me away from Edward and his reassurance that I would have him if I dumped Edward.

When I'm finished, both Alice and Seth sit gaping at me. It's obvious that neither of them knew anything about this. 

Alice comes over to me and sits on the armchair, patting my back. “I'm so sorry, honey! We didn't know.” I see her looking over at Seth, and he silently shakes her head to her.

“I'm sorry too, Jasper. Jacob reassured me he knew that you only wanted to be his friend, and that he didn't have a grudge against Edward.”

He gets up and walks over to get his cell, starting to push the buttons. 

“Seth, what are you doing?” Alice asks.

“I'm calling Jacob right now. He can't do stuff like this! Not only is he hurting my friend and my girlfriend, but if he does crazy things like this, he'll eventually get in trouble working as a doctor.”

I get up too. “No, please Seth, don't call him now when you're angry. It's much better if you talk to him later when you've calmed down. I don't want you to lose your friend over this. Call him tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Seth sighs. “I guess you're right.”

We have a nice evening after that, and I tell them that I just need some time, and if Jacob starts behaving normally again, I'm sure it won't be a problem in the future when we all get together. I eat so much dinner that I need to unbutton my pants. I tell them about Edward and me, and that I'm going to stay at his house all week. I don't get into the juicy details; I save them for when I talk to Alice when she is alone. Alice and I don't have any secrets from each other.

Before I leave, I write down the time for their next ultrasound. They want me to come with them and I can't wait to see the tiny little heart beating on the screen.

– O – 

I spend the week either at work, or in Edward’s bed, with breaks only to shower together or eat in the kitchen together. We leave the house one afternoon to go on a much needed food shopping expedition, and amongst the shelves with cans of beans, he takes my hand in his. We stroll around, picking up items we need before he stops me with his hand on my chest. “Jasper,” he whispers. “Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

My heartbeat speeds up at his question, even more than holding his hand does. I feel ridiculously like a teenager having the question asked by his first boyfriend and I gaze up into his beautiful eyes and smile widely with teeth and all, “Yeah, I would love to.”

The week flies by and we effortlessly slip into this rhythm together, except for our time at work, we're living in a world where only him and I exist. The whole week is a haze to me when I try to think back as I lie in his bed with his arms around me on Saturday night and he reminds me that Lily comes home the next day. “Oh, yes, I'm sure you miss her greatly,” I tell him. 

“You know, we've been living like this for over eight years now, and this is the first week I've truly enjoyed myself without her here.” He kisses my forehead and I snuggle even closer to him. “I'm going to miss this next week,” he tells me. 

“Me too,” I mutter. “But you'll have Lily here to entertain you,” I say this to comfort him, but he looks at me sadly.

“And you'll be going home to your empty apartment.”

“Nah, I'm used to that,” I reassure him. “I've lived alone for many years now.”

Edward sits up in bed, and looks down at me, his gaze intense, and my stomach tightens. What is he thinking now?

“How do you feel about visiting the zoo tomorrow?” he asks his tone serious.

“What? Visit the zoo?”

“Yeah, I've been planning to take Lily there again for a while. She has this book about spiders, and she would love to see a live one again with all this knowledge in her head. It would be the perfect opportunity for you to meet her! You could come over at one and we could go together.” He's so enthusiastic about his idea.

I would love to meet his daughter. I haven't said it to him, as I didn't want to put any pressure on him. I know how protective he is of her, and Edward and I are still early in our relationship. 

“Are you sure?” I ask him, because I don't want to get my hopes up if he isn't. He must see the uncertainty in my eyes, because he leans down and kisses me lightly on the lips.

“I'm positive! If I could trust you with my dying father, I can trust you with Lily.”

“Okay then, I'd love to come with you.” I'm beaming at him.

– O – 

Sunday morning, I make sure to get home early to shower and put on clean, appropriate zoo-visiting clothes before I rush out to find a bookstore. I spend an hour in there deciding before I pay for my purchase and drive over to Edward’s again. 

Even if I'm very excited, and it's not just about going to the zoo, I'm also worried, and not because I'm going to see live spiders this afternoon - What if she doesn't like me? 

Edward only wants to introduce me as his friend, and I get that completely. He told me Sam doesn't shield Lily from his endless stream of boyfriends. It was only after a big argument that he started having them sleeping over only on the weeks Lily's with Edward. “If he only could keep them for a longer period, I wouldn't have said anything about it,” Edward told me. 

I dry my sweaty hands on my pants’ thighs before I press the button marked 'Cullen' outside their building, and I hear Edward's deep voice say, “Hello Jasper,” before he lets me in. 

When I walk up the stairs and knock on their door, my hands are shaking. A few seconds later, the door flings open to reveal a skinny girl with long, wild almost white hair. She has a small straight nose and clear blue eyes. I almost gasp when I see her, because she looks like a mini-girly version of Carlisle. Around her neck, a pair of glasses hangs from a chain. She's wearing a knee-length bright orange dress, and washed-out red pants underneath with holes on both of the knees. 

“Hi!” she says in a bright voice. “Come right in and make sure to take off your shoes. I know you're Jasper and you are Dad's friend. He’s in the kitchen making food for the picnic we're having. And you're coming with us. I'm going to show you the spiders. They live in a house on their own at the zoo. It's been such a long time since I've visited them, many weeks, I think!”

I make sure to take off my shoes as she says, and place them where I took them from a few hours ago. “A picnic at the zoo sounds great,” I tell her. “I'm not so sure about the spiders though. Aren't they hairy and crawl around on their long crooked legs?” I tease her.

“Yes, they do, and they are so cool! I'll tell you all about them and you don't have to be scared of them like Aunt Bella is. They can't escape from their glasshouse; you'll be perfectly safe with me.” She only stops talking to breathe. “Do you want to come into my room and look at my experiment with ants? It's very interesting. You can see the ants making their way around in the sand. But what do you have there?” She points at the package I'm holding. 

I chuckle. “This is a present for you, and I would love to see your ant experiment, but I think I should go say hi to your dad first. Can you show me your kitchen?

She looks up at me questioningly, “Don't you know where the kitchen is? Isn't the underwear I found in the bathroom cabinet under the sink yours? Aren't you Dad's friend?” 

Luckily, Edward comes in at the right moment to rescue me. “Lily, I told you those briefs are mine. I just bought me some new ones this week.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she mutters, clearly not believing him. 

“Hi, Jasper, I'm making us lunch. I thought we could have a picnic at the zoo. Do you want to come and keep me company in the kitchen?” he says with a too high voice, and I have trouble keeping my happiness from showing on my face, but I think I manage it. 

“Jasper was just going to give me that package, Dad. Weren't you, Jasper?”She's pulling on my arm leading me into the living room. 

I just shrug at Edward and say, “I have to do as the lady says. I bought this for her after all.”

“Yay!” Lily squeals. I follow her smiling into the living room and Edward retreats slowly to the kitchen. Lily sits on the coffee table and I sit on the chair in front of her and give her the book I bought her. She rips off the paper, immediately slips down to the floor and lies down on her stomach. Putting her glasses on, she opens the book where a foldout life size human body reveals itself. “Wow!” she breathes. “This is so cool! It's like all the stuff inside of me!” 

I join her on the floor, lying on my stomach too, and answer her questions when she points at the different systems. There are many detailed descriptions to show all the systems and how they work, but I don't need to read them to explain to her. It's one of the bonuses of being a nurse.

– O – 

Edward pays for our tickets at the zoo and I go to find a cart to place our picnic basket in so we can have our hands free. Lily and I study the zoo map and she exclaims that our first stop will be the spiders. 

She strides ahead of us, swinging her arms happily. I walk beside Edward who's pulling the cart after him. 

In a low voice I tell him, “She's so lovely, Edward! You do such a good job with her.”

His eyes shine at me. “Thanks. I love her, of course. Even if she refuses to put on proper clothes and brush her hair when we're going to the zoo,” he says for Lily to hear too, but she doesn't react at all. 

We're finally at the spider building and Lily rushes to open the door. “Come on Dad and Jasper! Don't be afraid, I promise they won't hurt you.” Edward and I look at each other and try to hold back our chuckles. 

Inside the air is really hot and moist, and in the beginning, it's a bit hard to breathe. We walk on soft bark from window to window looking for the ones with spiders in them and Lily comes to a halt when she finds the first one, exclaiming, “Oooh, look! A Goliath bird-eater! It's so pretty!”

All I see is a log, bark and green leaves. “There!” she points to the side of the log, where a big black, hairy spider sleeps. “That is a male since it's black. It comes all the way from South America,“ she tells me. “It is the second largest spider in the world,” she says as if she almost can't believe it. 

During the next half hour, I learn many facts about spiders, and my head is starting to spin. “Hey, Jasper,” she nudges me. “Do you think that the spiders have a soul?” 

I stare at the spider - does it? “Have you heard of a country called India, Lily? It's far away in Asia.”

“Yes, of course!” She looks at me expectantly.

“In India most of the people believe that when you die, your soul gets reborn. If you do good things in this life, you might get reborn as a wealthy person after you die, but if you do most bad things, you might get reborn as a spider!” I tell her, very pleased with myself.

“What? I have to do bad things to be reborn as a spider? I thought I was supposed to do good things!” 

“Eh, well. Maybe as a fertilizer beetle, then,” I try to save myself. 

Soon after, we walk out into the fresh air and Edward wants us to find a place on the lawn for our picnic blanket and basket. We eat sandwiches and grapes and drink juice, and I try hard not to look at Edward, as I want to. 

Lily sips at her juice, looking over at me, “I know you two are in love, you know. There is no need to try to hide it around me.” I'm stunned at her ability to observe and I don't dare say anything. Are we in love?

“I can see it in both of you, you know, that you love each other. It's not rocket science!”

I stare at Edward and he takes my hand, winks at me and turns to her to tell her, “That's right, Lily. Jasper is my boyfriend. I should have known better than to try to hide anything from you.” Then he starts laughing and I feel so relieved and happy and can't help but join him. 

We walk along the paths looking at the animals, and Lily is just as eager with all of them. She's strolling beside me, chatting when I suddenly feel her small hand slip into mine and she swings our joined hands back and forth. Edward comes up on her other side and takes her other hand and the three of us make a human chain.

“Jasper?” she asks me. “Dad told me you were the nurse taking care of Grandad when he died at the hospital when I was little.”

“Uhm,” I nod.

“It was just last year, Lily,” Edward corrects her.

“Yeah, that's right. When I was little,” she persists and looks up at me. “When Grandad died at the hospital, do you think that his soul left him and flew up through the floors to the ward where the babies get born and into a newborn baby?”

I look over at Edward. What she says is so touching; I have to dry my eyes. I crouch down in front of her and look into her eyes. “You look so much like him, sweetheart. That is such a beautiful thought. Just as beautiful as you are,” I tell her and hug her.


	10. Chapter 10

Epilogue

Three years later

I'm desperately trying to pick up all the tiny wooden beads Leah and Lily were allowed to play with as Harry had his nap. Leah is just old enough to know not to put them in her mouth and loves 'helping' Lily thread bracelets and necklaces. They did well but abandoned it straight away when they heard his crying from the bedroom and rushed out to play in the garden instead. I guess I forgot to explain to them the importance of picking up after themselves.

Harry can't crawl yet but he turns over from his stomach onto his back, so who knows maybe this is the day he learns how to roll. Then he could roll over all the way to the beads for sure. 

I manage to pick up every tiny piece and make sure I place the ones they actually finished on the counter for Leah to take home with her when Alice and Seth come back from their shopping trip to pick up her and Harry. 

When I'm finished, I walk into the kitchen where I hear splashing noises and see Edward sitting on a chair in front of Harry, both with baby spoons in their hands and both covered with Harry's pureed food. 

“Hi, you two,” I smile at them. “How's it going?” They both turn to me and smile brightly. I find the camera on the shelf and take a few pictures of them together, Edward and me chuckling at Harry's happy sounds. “Do you want me to get you a towel or something, Edward?”

“Nah, we're doing fine. Almost half of it gets on the inside, and I say that is a great achievement.”

I go outside into the garden to check on the girls and walk around the side of our small house. We bought it together two years ago when we were tired of staying in separate beds every other week, and wanted to move in together permanently. The garden could use a lot more attention if we want the perennials to live much longer, but neither Edward nor I care much for spending time on our knees before a flowerbed. We have other things we like doing on our knees. 

I don't find the girls anywhere in the garden, and start worrying that Lily could have taken Leah out on the street to the playground, and quickly decide that we should at least get a swing for our tallest tree, before I hear a loud crash coming from inside. I run into the living room where Lily and Leah stand with lots of glass pieces around their feet, and a shattered picture frame lies on the floor. 

“Stand completely still,” I yell, afraid of their bare toes being cut by the glass shards. Leah starts to cry and walks to me. I quickly lift her up and inspect her feet. They look all right and I blow on them to make sure there aren't tiny fragments there. She starts giggling and squirming and I place her down safely on the sofa. 

“How did it go with you?” I ask Lily and inspect her feet too. They've grown so big these last years, and I'm sure they're fully grown by now at her age of twelve. She has long, thin arms and legs that go forever, but I don't think she's reached her full height yet.

“Sorry about the picture, Jasper,” she apologizes, sniffing. “We were rushing in to pick up all the beads we had forgotten to pick up before Harry could put them in his mouth.”

“Or his nose,” Leah pipes in.

“That's fine,” I reassure them. “As long as you two didn't get hurt!” There's not enough light in here for me to clearly see if there is a small piece of glass or not right under her big toe. “We need to go into the bathroom for a better light, Lily,” I say, as I support Lily, and lift Leah up and carry her into the kitchen to Edward, telling him not to go into the living room with the kids before I have taken care of the glass shards. 

“Here,” I tell Lily. “Sit on the toilet seat and put your foot on the sink.” She does as I say, sniffing and wiping her nose. I inspect her foot properly, but there are no shards there. 

“Your foot is fine, Lily,” I tell her and look at her face over my glasses. Tears are streaming down her face silently. 

“What is the matter, sweetheart?” I ask her softly. “There are no wounds under your foot.” I put her foot down carefully and bend down in front of her, drying her tears from her face with my thumb. There must be something else bothering her. “What brought this on?” 

She sniffs again and I give her toilet paper to blow her nose. 

“I was waiting for a chance to talk to you, Jasper,” she whispers. “There is this boy in my year at school.” She puts her fingers into her pocket and gives me a curled piece of paper. I fold it out gently, and see hearts and neatly formed letters. It's a love letter. I look up at her unsure if I should read it or not. 

She hiccups and takes it from me again. “I’ve got a box full of them in my room,” she says dreamily. “I keep finding them everywhere, even though he never talks to me. He talks to everybody else, but never me. I don't understand it.”

I silently gaze up at her, waiting for her to continue and she glances down at the letter on her thigh, absentmindedly stroking it repeatedly to straighten out the wrinkles. 

“The girls in my class found one of his letters yesterday. They laughed at him and outed him in front of everybody.” Her voice trembles. “Now I think he hates me and thinks I showed them the letter to make fun of him. I will never get a boyfriend!” she cries and throws her arms around my neck.

I'm so surprised and glad she can't see my shocked face now. I stroke her back, and think back to when I was twelve and realize this shouldn't surprise me at all. Our girl is growing up. 

“Oh, honey,” I hug her tightly. “There is no reason to cry! Get up and put on a nice dress. When Leah and Harry are picked up, the three of us are going to go out and celebrate. You can pick the restaurant.” I help her get up and she only sniffs a few times. When I pull her chin up and make her look at me, she actually smiles. 

“We can talk more about this tonight when it's just the three of us if you want to. Tomorrow, we're going over for Sunday lunch at Aunt Bella's and I think the safest thing is to talk to her about the girl-side of this, or you can talk to Alice when she comes over later if you want.” I stroke her back as she leans on me.

She nods against my chest and sneaks her arms around me, hugging me tightly. “I love you, Jasper. I'm so happy that you were Grandad’s nurse at the hospital when I was little and that you met Dad.”

“Yeah,” I whisper with a lump in my throat. “I'm sorry he died, but I'm so happy that I met Edward and you. I love you.” I kiss her forehead and straighten up when I hear a high scream coming from the kitchen. “Guess we better go to help your dad with the two little ones and clean up the glass.” We both chuckle, and I dry my eyes with my shirt. 

“You’re my dad too, Jasper,” she mumbles not letting me go and I hug her happily, filled with contentment.

When we're ready, we go into the living room and I pick up the picture frame and shake off the glass pieces. It's the picture Carlisle had on his nightstand at the hospital when he died four years ago. It shows Carlisle and Esme with Lily and Peter on their lap, all smiling brightly and happy. 

“Oh, no, not that one,” Lily cries. “Is it damaged?” 

“No, it looks all right to me. I'll get it reframed and then it can join the other pictures again. You can go into the kitchen and see if Dad and Harry need any help if you like, and I'll clean up this.

I get a broom and make sure there isn't anything left, then look up at the wall at the remaining photos. There is a picture of Edward, Lily and me from last Christmas, a picture of Bella, Riley and Peter and one of Alice, Seth and Leah. Alice was still pregnant with her second child when that picture was taken, and I remind myself to ask her for a photo with Harry too. We even have a picture of Lily with Sam and his boyfriend of two years hanging up. I'm extremely proud of Edward for agreeing to it when I asked him if I could put it there.

I love the one of just Edward and me from our honeymoon, though. That one is very special to me, but the ones I like the most from that holiday are safely locked in our nightstand drawer, together with the videos we make from time to time. 

Edward comes out from the kitchen with Leah by his feet and a sprawling Harry in his arms. They've cleaned up the worst of the puree.

Alice and Seth come over to pick up their kids a little while later. Leah stands behind Lily's legs, trying to hide from her mother. Alice hugs Lily tightly, and pretends to look around for her daughter, finally finding her and tickling her. Leah giggles and gasps, “I don't wanna go home, Mummy. I wanna stay here with Lily, Jasper and Edward. You can have Harry!”

Alice smiles at me and hugs her daughter who's squirming in her arms. She exclaims that today we're having a photo session to document how much our kids have grown and we all walk into the garden, and play around on the grass and take many different pictures.

Afterwards, Alice and I sit on the garden bench and look through them and I lean into her shoulder, sighing heavily. “I can't believe all that's happened to the two of us in the last few years.”

“Yeah, I know,” she says. “I don't think any of us would have believed that we both would have families and be surrounded by so much love when I dragged you with me to that club four years ago.”

I hug her tightly, “Thank you, Alice, for being my best friend always. I love you.” 

I feel a hand stroking my shoulder, and look up to see Edward smiling warmly down at me, mouthing, “Love you.”


	11. Outtake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Setting: Somewhere between chapter 9 and the futuretake

Pleasure flows through me as Edward pounds into me. Wave after wave of it washing over me, nearing its peek—closer and closer, but then a keening sound disturbs my release. The disturbance is taking more and more of my attention and what remains is only an irritating noise and a tickling feeling. I huff and groan in frustration but then the noise stops—it came from my own throat, I realize.

Something is still tickling me where the pounding just was and something slippery pushes into me, being met with very little resistance. The pleasure comes back immediately, and arching my back, I want more at once and press my behind towards the fingers, instantly wanting it deeper.

Hot breath is by my ear—Edward. "Fuck, Jasper! The sounds you make turn me on so much! Here, feel how hard my cock is!" He grabs my hand, leading it to where he wants it.

"I wish I could have been inside your head just now, and seeing what you're imagining to make you cry out like that." He bites my earlobe. "Was it me?" he asks, pumping his hard-on into my hand.

"Huh?" I can't think right now. All I can do is feel.

"Was it me doing filthy things to you in your dream, just like I did last night?"

.

Oh, fuck, last night! I moan as reality and memories come flooding back in full force of what happened here in our bed before I passed out utterly spent. All the blood in my body fills my dick, making it almost hurt from the pressure and my balls want to empty themselves at once when I think about last night.

We had a relaxing afternoon together after we'd left Lily with Sam at noon. After running a few errands, we stumbled into Jacob at the grocery store. He stopped to talk to us, smiling widely, and asked if we wanted to go to the club with him and some friends later.

Edward declined and said we had an important appointment later. He held me tightly to his side and steered me towards the other end of the store.

At home, he headed straight for the bathroom claiming to need a shower, and I let him have a few minutes alone before I stripped and went in after him.

Inside the shower, I knelt before him, grabbing his hips and sucking his soft cock into my mouth. Sucking hard and as deep as I could, I licked his hardening shaft up and down with my tongue and gazed up at his broad chest to see him steadying himself against the tiles. The muscles in his arm vibrated as he stared down at me, his eyes black with lust as well as vulnerability.

"Fuck, Jasper! You're mine!" he groaned. "That sleazebag still thinks he can come sneaking into your life and take you for himself. That's never going to happen, do you hear me?" He groaned and pushed his now rock hard cock down my throat. I took all he had to give me. I love it when he lets go and doesn't hold anything back, just like this. I moaned around him, using my lips and tongue as much as he let me in between his pumping, before he quickly grabbed his shaft, spraying my face with his hot, white come. I got it all over my nose, chin, stomach and thighs. I even had some in my hair, which Edward, while chuckling, smeared around when I rose up to face him. He stared seriously into my eyes then, letting me know he loved me and needed to prove to himself that I'm his.

Later, when we'd talked about what happened at the store and I'd finally got into his head that we don't have to like Jacob—we just have to endure him, with him being Seth's friend and all. If Edward could, he would have hurt him in some way a long time ago, but I've never let him. I love Alice, Seth and Leah, and think that violence will only hurt everybody in the end.

We went into our bedroom hand in hand and, as we undressed again, Edward said he wanted to try something new. Usually when Edward says this, it turns into something fun and I got excited immediately trying to guess what it could be he had in mind.

He knelt before me and sucked me hard into his mouth, quickly making me want to come, but then he stopped, telling me to lie down on the bed with my weight on my head and shoulders and my back against our headboard. I stared incredulously at him—did he think I was some kind of acrobat? I tried it though, awkwardly, and groaned when my back stretched and I leaned my knees on either side of my head.

Edward stood over me with his legs on either side of me. "Fuck! Look at that ass!" he said as he lubed his fingers and sunk two of them into my hole, pumping them slowly up and down, then circling them around a little before he pressed another one into my willing opening.

I groaned and panted from the awkward position and the pressure on my lungs but also from the feeling of being filled and the anticipation of having his cock in me.

"Just do it. I want to try it but I can't stay like this for very long," I said.

Edward steered the tip of his cock into me, holding it down with his hand when it wanted to point the other way. He pushed more into me and I groaned from arousal and being squeezed like that.

"Touch yourself," he said and I did as he said, concentrating hard on the feeling in my ass and my cock instead of the pressure on my thighs and stomach.

"Open your eyes," he said when I was really close, and I saw the head of my cock right over my face as it erupted and just managed to shut my eyes again before I sprayed my face with hot come.

Edward continued to push inside me quickly as he groaned, "Fuck Jasper! Look at you!"

I groaned and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. "Stop, I need to lie down."

Edward lifted himself up and I fell over on the bed. He pushed me onto my back, opening my legs and pounded hard into me as he leaned down and kissed me deeply, come and all. He bucked into me with a few uncontrolled pumps and came deep inside me before falling on top of me.

.

I feel a little sore from last night but I'm so horny that I shamelessly push my ass against Edward but instead of doing what I want, he just chuckles and gets up.

"Oh, come on! I want you!" I whine.

"No! We're going to do it my way," he says and flips me over on my back. He crawls over me on his hands and knees, his dark eyes staring into mine, his muscular arms on either side of my head. "I want to fuck you hard," he whispers. "Do you think you can handle that?"

"Uhu," I mumble faintly.

He leans down and bites my neck. I arch my back up and try to press myself against him.

"Jesus, Jasper. You're wound up so tight! You're gonna snap once I'm in you!"

He grabs me behind my back with one arm and flips us over. "You need to sit on top and ride me."

I stare at him. Wasn't he going to fuck me hard? I've lost some of my brain capacity since I woke up beside Edward today.

"Just sit on me," he says.

He holds his dick up for me to slide on to and starts bucking his hips at once. My dick slaps on his stomach with every thrust and he grabs it and flicks his hand over the tip of my head just the way I like it.

"Fuck, Edward!" I moan, trying to look down at him.

"Just fuck me, Jasper! Fucking come on me," he growls, and I do—I spurt my come all over his chest and up to his face.

"Fuck!"

He immediately flips us over again, pushing my knees up to my chest and pounds into me, hard and fast—just as he promised. Sweat is running down his forehead, dripping onto my face and his dark eyes stare down on me. I know he's concentrating on not coming right away as he keeps fucking me. Suddenly, he lets go of my legs and draws his dick out, pumping himself over my stomach a couple of times. He throws his head back and comes all over me—spraying white come from my groin up to my chin and a pool in my navel.

There is no doubt in my mind that Edward now knows what I like. He knows my body better than I know it myself sometimes. After all the doubt in himself caused by Sam, we have slowly built up his confidence again together, and the sex life we now have is more fulfilling than I ever could dream of. Some of the things he suggests I would never have thought I could like, but when we try it and he's the one I do it with, it's the most erotic thing in the world to me.

He takes a few seconds just to catch his breath before he smiles widely down at me and I smile back up at him before he suddenly turns serious. "Jasper, I love you," he says.

I grin up at him, sated and happy. "Yeah, I know. I love you, too."

"I want us to get married. I want everybody to know that we love each other and for Lily to have a safe home. Do you think we can do that?" he says, staring down at me.

I get up, leaning on my elbows, staring up at his face and, when my lips are inches from his, I whisper, "Yes, let's do it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked this short and smutty outtake :)
> 
> I'm honored to win Best Lemon for my story 'Consequences of Confessing your Fantasy' in The Non-Canon Awards!
> 
> 'The Summer It All Began' is an anon slash-contest going on at the moment. I might have an entry there ;) Voting is open and ends June 30th. Winners will be announced July 7th.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> I have a Tumblr [here.](http://dragontattoo75.tumblr.com/)


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